¡SATIRISTAS!

February 2025: - Five million dollars. For five million dollars, it can be yours. This is the very first copy. Do you know what it is? - A gold card? - Yes, a gold one. The 'Trump Gold Card'. - Who's the first buyer? - Me. - And the second? - I don't know. I was the first. They'll go on sale in two weeks, even sooner. Cool, right? April 2026: - You'll never guess how many 'gold cards' the Trump administration sold. Remember that bullshit? The Trump Gold Card? He had a genius idea about how to pay off our national debt back then. Offer the world's richest people to move to the US for just five million dollars. The White House turned it into a spectacle, even giving rapper Nicki Minaj an 'honorary' card. And soon, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick revealed on a podcast how many of these cards he'd already managed to sell. March 2025: - By the way, I've already sold a thousand of them. There are 37 million people worldwide who can afford it. - Holy shit! 37 million! And how many do you expect to sell? - The president thinks we'll easily sell a million. April 2026: - I sold a thousand in just one day. Multiply that by the number of days that have passed since then. That's trillions of dollars in revenue! With all this money from foreign rich people, we could've paid off all our debts instantly! The problem is, we've only managed to find out how many of these cards were actually sold. How many do you think? How many gold cards has the White House 'delivered' to happy consumers? Just one. That same Lutnick who bragged about a thousand cards sold in one day has now admitted that this card has only gone to one single person so far. And not for five million, but for just one. Of course, Lutnick added that there are thousands of people in line. But so far, it all looks like an ABSOLUTE FRAUD. Far from the first one perpetrated by Donald Trump. And definitely not the last one.

ICE use metal battering ram to break down front door—with 3 kids age 6-12 inside screaming in fear. Agents point assault rifles directly at the children—while violently detaining their father in front of them. "The young children are screaming in absolute terror 'Papá!'—you can hear them from all the way out here," said witness. Clemente Chilel Ramírez said that no search warrant had been presented for his arrest on private property. Local ICE office responded that it is gathering information before issuing a statement. Incident occurred in the Estrella Village neighborhood on the southwest side of Phoenix, Arizona.

🚨BREAKING: The fiber cable sitting in your wall has been secretly listening to you. And researchers just proved it. Security researchers from Hong Kong Polytechnic University and the Chinese University of Hong Kong presented a fully working attack at NDSS Symposium 2026 turning ordinary fiber optic internet cables into hidden, undetectable microphones. No laser bugs. No physical implants. No drilling through walls. Just the broadband cable already sitting in your living room or office. How It Actually Works: Optical fibers are sensitive to tiny vibrations. When sound waves travel through the air, they cause microscopic changes in the shape of the fiber. These changes alter the light signals traveling inside the cable. By watching these changes with a Distributed Acoustic Sensing system linked to one end of the cable, an attacker can recreate the original sound wave from the other end even over distances greater than 50 meters. Sound hits fiber. Fiber vibrates. Light shifts. AI reconstructs your conversation. No microphone. No bug. No trace. Why This Is Different From Everything Before: This attack transforms standard FTTH telecom fiber cables into passive, undetectable listening devices invisible to RF scanners and immune to ultrasonic jammers. Your traditional counter-surveillance gear will not work. The Device They Built: The researchers engineered a custom Sensory Receptor a hollow cylinder with 15 meters of optical fiber wound around it. Critically, this device can be disguised as an ordinary optical fiber box the same type routinely installed in homes and offices during FTTH deployments making it virtually indistinguishable from legitimate networking equipment. It looks exactly like what your ISP already installed. Who Is Most At Risk: → Corporate offices with FTTH connections → Government buildings and embassies → Law firms, banks, and financial institutions → Anyone having sensitive conversations near a fiber cable The Takeaway: Fiber optic cables have long been considered inherently secure. Resistant to RF emissions. Resistant to electromagnetic interference. That belief is now broken. The cable delivering your internet can also deliver your conversations to someone else entirely. Nobody installed a bug in your home. The infrastructure already was one.