Junior Stopka

Tour Dates

The W in WNBA stands for Whooha. The Whooha N' Boobies Association. It's a good group. It has butts

If Alan Alda ever stepped up to me, pretending to be a doctor for 11 years, I'd whoop his ass.

I don't know if they should call it The FIFA World Cup 2026 or The Angry Waitresses Not Being Tipped For a Group of 15 Kerfuffle #WorldCup

I feel like Alex Jones makes a lot of noise when he's at the urinal.

I was at Chipotle and they said they were out of tortillas so they threw meat and vegetables at my face. I slipped on the beans and fell, then the staff pulled my pants down and screamed, look, look, he's naked. Horrible experience. I can't even

"I like it when the cat goes on the baseball field" - me, today, now

Boobs and butts look the same. Zero difference. Fight me

I still don't know how to do Instagram. I have more fun not understanding it and not learning it. Ok, someone sent a picture of me. Where's the Retweet? No retweet?! Oh, fuck, is heart emoji going to do something?

Ireland is acting like me when I taste British food

The Bears moving to Indiana is the greatest news ever. No traffic and less people. How is this not on everyone's list to make life better? I was never been able to afford those expensive tickets. Who is against this?

Be both. Be brave. Be bout bortions

You can be pro-life and pro-choice. I'm both. Both are good.

Baby McJuggernuggets would have been the perfect star. And who killed him? Those damn dancing TikTok nurse whores, Valerie and the Vacuumers. Netflix, get a documentary on this shit

Charlie Kirk was better than MLK. That's a fact. Alright, now that I got the engagement. Here's some dates for upcoming shows. July 2-3 Taos, New Mexico taoscomedy.com/shows/ July 6 West Hollywood, California events.leapevents.com/event/junior-s…

Quit spreading hate/lies online. So just be nice and get zero views and never make money

How do I get the HD footage of the shooting of that live streamer that says the n word? Do I join the patreon? Do I like and subscribe?

@luisjgomez What race is this person?

As a man if someone called your wife a “pig whore” as you walked by would you stand up for her or would you just take it?

What the hell is a dim mak?

Athletes are worse than women at stand-up. Good Lord