din tuna

penelope was better than me i would have actually just fucked robert pattinson

Were they exploring each other's bodies in the Trojan horse.

mychart

Isn't clitoris the guy who flew too close to the sun and his wings fell off?

in nolan's odyssey, matt damon spends a decade dealing with guilt over disguising himself and committing mass murder. as soon as he gets over it, he immediately proceeds to disguise himself again and murder dozens of unarmed people. then the movie ends.

never deleting tiktok

Michelob Ultra tastes like it would be okay for a baby to drink one

So long, America🫡🇺🇸 49 days ago we landed in the USA to follow our country at the World Cup. We had no idea it would turn into the trip of a lifetime. Thank you to everyone who followed along, and to all the people we met who made this journey even more special. We honestly don’t have the words to express how grateful we are for everything you did for us. This trip exceeded every expectation we had. We came here with an open mind, wanting to experience as much of the country as possible. I still remember telling my friends on the flight to Atlanta that I hoped we’d get to meet a few locals on this trip. Now we’re flying home with friends all across the USA. Before we came, we heard so many stereotypes and warnings about America. People told us about safety concerns, that they might check our social media at the border, and all kinds of other things. None of it matched our experience. This was probably the most welcoming country we’ve ever visited. So if you have the chance to travel, do it. The world isn’t nearly as bad as the media often makes it seem. 99% of people are awesome! I heard this quote somewhere during the World Cup, and I think it sums up our experience perfectly: “If you want to hate the world, watch the news. If you want to love it, travel it.” Thank you, America ❤️🇺🇸

[engaging in one of my many vices] this is the one vice I allow myself

this is why when someone asks if they can bum a cigarette, I usually abide because who knows if they’re actually a God in disguise?

Flipping through the titles on hulu, making a point to scroll past brokeback mountain at the exact same tempo as the other films, not gayly slow or homophobicly fast

“we have food at home” ok we also have unresolved family drama at home

situationship stabbed me but the police reported it as a domestic violence incident 👀 #ouushiii #whatarewe

i often delay my responses for a few days to honor the traditional concept of postal correspondence and letters.

I think about this post literally every day

The Mayor of New York just did something none of the presidents of the United States would ever do.

Any person over 40 realizes that this is the Marlboro font. The people in charge of this are clearly under 40.

airline employees love the theater of making me put my little fanny pack in my purse then watching me take it out and put it right back on when i'm in line to board

i’ll kill the next man who wants to gets to know me and then leaves

i'm free later if you want to get married