UnexpectedMel

@mskathykhang I’m still trying to process it.

@mskathykhang This feels reasonable. I felt put out that I even had to step foot on campus at this point.😬

@AliaJoyH PLEASE WRITE THIS SCREENPLAY.

Last night I dreamed I won a prestigious writing award. It was like the Oscars. Crowds, black tie, red carpet. Only the award was a life-sized weeping angel. I gave my acceptance speech, thanking everyone while trying not to blink under the camera & lights. So...there's that.

@tracesoffaith Eddie Furlong in Terminator 2. And he’s reprising his role in the next one!🥰

Girls, who was your teen superstar crush? Mine is a toss-up between Ralph Macchio and Kirk Cameron.

@CatherineMcNiel It’s not scary. Pure nostalgic fun.

@AliaJoyH I got a one-star review because my book on dealing with hard things wasn’t a Kindle coloring book.

Oh my gosh, yes! Authors, share your worst and by worst I mean best of the worst review!

@mskathykhang Just a light snack, as one does. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Someone else yelled, “That’s the author!” Yesterday at a speaking event I offered to sign the book when someone bought it, and she said, “Yeah! Someday when you’re famous I’ll have your signed book!”

@Nicole_Cliffe I had just got out of the hospital from an impacted colon, and he proposed after helping me carry my poop meds, Metamucil, and bran flakes to my room.

@krausesuzy @AnnaQuinlan This is shocking.

Dear @UnexpectedMel and @AnnaQuinlan, Today in Canadian politics: the prime minister was accused of eating a bagel.

@lparrottperry Be free little bunny. Hippity hop away. I’m permanently frozen in a silent scream.

@taylorsschumann I have ceased to function.

@ShannonDingle My roommate rolled in poop in the yard.

Tell us something your pet does but saying my roommate instead of your pet’s name. Example: my roommate chewed up one of my shoes.

@krausesuzy Here in Georgia, my kids were out of school today because it was 47 degrees and it rained a little. So we are equally experiencing life-threatening weather situations.

I was out pumping gas this morning in -44 weather and the pump wasn't working because it was too cold and my ankles were bare. And then I came on twitter and saw someone saying Wal-Mart should be closed at -15. And I felt suuuuuper tough.

@sarahmae I feel this tweet. I washed my dog’s butt at a neighbor’s house on a walk because her tail had smeared a poop dingleberry all over her rump like a windshield wiper. And later she came in with feces matted into her ears, neck, and collar.

My dog pooped out an entire nerf bullet. How's your Monday?