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mwah is such an important word

I think Dr Pepper is a Gynecologist

picking up someones mannerisms after spending time with them is like a lexical hickey

Guy who thinks The Doors are opening up at every local show

Although you’re extremely attractive and I’d love to have sex I don’t think we’re soulmates and it would thus be irresponsible for me to entangle our spirits. Hope you understand

10 minutes into netflix her: whip it out me: watch the fucking movie

Dominating my wife and her bull by making them do it on the little chair in the corner while I watch from the big king-sized bed

“you wanna smoke?” YES!!! u literally don’t even have to ask

born to be little spoon forced to be big dawg

Throw your hair in a bald, drink some bourbon, put on some stone temple pilots and get divorced

if ppl can smoke knowing it destroys their lungs. what’s wrong w loving someone knowing there’s no chance

getting grumpy from lack of attention is the funniest feature the human mind has like awww is the little tsundere FΑGGOT all sad that she isnt getting the widdle bitty attention she needs?? FUCK YOU!!

First 7 hours and 59 minutes of my job: kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill Last 60 seconds before I clock out: 𝘓𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨

what would you say is your address in your opinion

i was lowkey born to smoke weed and eat pussy

not to be a freak but do you wanna lay in bed and listen to the rain together

when i make someone i think is funny laugh

not to flirt or anything, but i’d educate myself on your interests just so we could talk about them.

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