beansontoast

i firmly believe everybody would be drinking this if they rebranded

White people handle mdma better than they handle spicy food.

choppelganger | noun | a less attractive version of someone or something

hate when a mf ask me “what u do for a living” nigga i do what i gotta do

If Pep gives us another Arsenal 2nd place finish he needs to get a knighthood

cigarette after sex is overrated, chicken biryani with diet coke after sex is the real goat

Love bombing my wife for 70 years straight then ghosting her (dying)

Tailgating me while I’m going 80 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid btw lol

why doesn’t peter parker just follow mj on ig and start spam liking her stories

white people see a opp and be like "we've got company"

your honor do you ever shuuuuuuuut the fuuuuuuuck uuuuuuuuup holy shittttttttt 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

met the loml but i owed karma

Every time I even stand up my dog gets excited asf. He understands that I'm a nigga who can make shit happen at any given moment

Misogynist? Is there a Mr. Ogynist I can talk to?

If Dubai gets levelled then they can't even check dental records for identification because they've all got the same set??

Finally remembered who Belle reminds me of #LoveIslandAllStars #loveisland

A real shitty part of losing a woman you love is that like 8-10 songs go down with her

“fuck you’re tight” i whisper as i look at my monthly budget