Come to my Live Cam on my fan page tomorrow at 9am pacific. My date yesterday is detailed on my fan page, but you can ask me anything on my live stream
mrspoindexter.io
When I was 16, I almost changed my body because I thought I had to.
I remember standing in the mirror picking myself apart. Too much here. Too visible there. I was so convinced I needed to be smaller, less, different. The world had a very clear idea of what a woman’s body should look like, and mine didn’t fit the brief. So I started planning how to fix it.
What nobody tells you at 16 is that the fixing never stops. You change one thing and find three more. The goalposts move. The mirror gets crueler. You get smaller and smaller trying to take up less space, and somehow you still feel like too much.
I spent years like that. Covered up. Apologetic. Turning down beaches, avoiding cameras, leaving the lights off.
And then something shifted.
I stopped listening to the noise and started listening to my body instead. What it wanted. What felt good. What made it feel alive. Turns out my body had opinions I’d never let it express.
Now I’m on the open sea. Sun on every inch of me. The water watching. The horizon watching. I used to dread being seen — now there is nowhere I feel more myself than when there’s nothing between me and the world, and eyes on me.
Being seen used to feel like exposure. Now it feels like power.
This body that I almost changed? It’s the most honest thing about me. I let it breathe. I let it be looked at. I let it want things.
That’s not something the 16-year-old in the mirror could have imagined. She was so busy shrinking.
I don’t shrink anymore.