Dachshund Days

Yeah, it’s us. And yeah, we’re beautiful. We can’t help it. ATB, Marj, Cowboy, and Butters

I don't like shots but I get vaccinated whenever the doctor says I should. The doctor says YOU should get vaccinated. So you should. Maybe you can get a little tag for your collar or a lollipop or maybe even a smiley face bandaid. Get it done, folks. #VaccinateNow

Didn’t make the #Olympics #TeamUSA this year, but I’m hopeful that the USA badger hunting team gets the #GOLD. It’s strange, though. So far, no TV coverage of the badger hunting competition. It’s very intense, so maybe it’s not appropriate for prime time.

I wish I could say, "That's a HIPPA violation." That might be a good answer to, "Did you steal Marj's chew toy?" or "Did you poop in the guest bedroom?" It could work for everything.

I don’t like French Bulldogs but the name is cool.

Sometimes you feel like a nap, sometimes you do.

Weather around here lately has been like a tropical rain forest. I guess Dachshunds living in such places just hold it. And hold it. Then go to the guest bedroom when nobody's looking. [I deleted a previous version of this tweet because whether instead of weather. So sue me.]

Over the years, I have developed a pitiful whine-cry. It could mean I am dying, in terrible pain, or it could mean I don't like the way the water (in the full bowl of water) tastes as I imagine myself in a fancy restaurant sending back a bottle of French burgundy.

This is scary as H-E-Double Toothpicks.

I am the best teeth fighter in the United States. If there was a category in the #westminsterdogshow for teeth fighting I would win it every year. I wouldn't even have to go, I would just send the Dachshunds I have shamed in teeth fighting to testify on my behalf.

stop dragging my chew toy around

As I get older and reflect on the indiscretions of my youth, I still have no regrets. I would lick the faces of all those cats again if I could.

It's not how tall you are, it's how loud you are ... when a cabinet door closes or a dog barks on TV.

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Cat food shouldn't taste better than dog food, but it does. Cats don't care about dogs, or even other cats. Why should they have tastier food? In my TED talk I'll explore the reasons behind this pet food tragedy and explore the international conspiracy that caused it.

Coolidge the Bobtailed Cat thinks today is Cinco de Meow.