Faux Ma

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Faux Ma

Faux Ma

@Faux_Ma

Mom of four (Husband is one). Seen on @Huffpost, @Buzzfeed, & @theChive.

Texas Katılım Ağustos 2011
2.9K Takip Edilen8.5K Takipçiler
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Faux Ma
Faux Ma@Faux_Ma·
My Daughter wants a Cinderella-themed party, so I invited all her friends over and made them clean my house.
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Faux Ma
Faux Ma@Faux_Ma·
I think the hardest part about my divorce is that my husband doesn’t know it’s happening.
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Not Today Eric
Not Today Eric@NotTodayEric·
Aliens: we have decided to reveal ourselves. Twitter: your mom reveals herself.
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Faux Ma
Faux Ma@Faux_Ma·
Normalizing run-on sentences is how we beat the AI corporate apocalypse.
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Faux Ma
Faux Ma@Faux_Ma·
It stresses me out that my teenager gifted me with a candle with the scent name “stress relief” for Mother’s Day.
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krista
krista@kristabellerina·
She died doing what she loved, saying she was fine when she was not.
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tt✮⋆
tt✮⋆@Bluebirdeyessss·
I gotta stay off twitter. I agree wit too much shit
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Faux Ma
Faux Ma@Faux_Ma·
Maturity happens when you realize the cast of Sex and the City were girls and the cast of Girls were women.
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𝖇𝖋
𝖇𝖋@el_cucuy930·
my toxic trait is… i actually think i’m being nice
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Dr Pepper M.D. 🥤
Dr Pepper M.D. 🥤@JustLikeMikee·
Some tweets are a cure for your mood.
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Faux Ma
Faux Ma@Faux_Ma·
Who wants to tell Norah Jones that we don’t listen to her anymore because every guy we slept with when she was relevant cheated on us.
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Faux Ma
Faux Ma@Faux_Ma·
Boss: I have some negative feedback Me: Wow, so do I! We are so on the same page. Synergy amirite?!
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Faux Ma
Faux Ma@Faux_Ma·
My work pronouns are: No/Stop/Don’t
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.
.@Fimiye·
MY LIFE ISN'T INSTAGRAMMABLE, HOWEVER, IT IS TWITTERABLE.
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ugh
ugh@ughfinewhatever·
at the club asking people if they’ve seen nirvanna the band the show the movie yet
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Faux Ma
Faux Ma@Faux_Ma·
The length of grass in a yard at any given time can make or break a marriage.
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Faux Ma
Faux Ma@Faux_Ma·
Doctor: if you keep this up you won’t be around for long. Me: good.
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Faux Ma
Faux Ma@Faux_Ma·
The only reason snoring hasn’t been solved is because men want women to kick them out of the bed so they can join a different one.
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Faux Ma retweetledi
Dawg
Dawg@HTownHDawg·
I don’t have a dad bod, it’s a father figure. Show a little respect.
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Meh Curie
Meh Curie@BeckQuerels·
I’m not dating again until my sleep demon approves
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Faux Ma
Faux Ma@Faux_Ma·
Teenagers are like I hate you but I need my braces tightened.
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