Fun Size Bytes

I always liked this picture because you _want_ to laugh, but you’re not sure you “should”. Which pretty much defines my sense of humor.

@SarahInMI amazon.com/When-Im-My-Kne… Just in case you wanted to purchase it for anyone you know 🤣

Everybody poops. dronedj.com/2022/01/28/swi…

@SarahInMI IIRC there was a prayer book for women written a few years ago called something like “When I’m Down On My Knees”.

@biorhythmist That reminds me of something my college girlfriend once complained about.

Finally, some good news on this hell-site: washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2021…

Better Headline: “ATTEMPTED MURDER OF INNOCENT PIGEON WHICH SHOULD BE INVESTIGATED THOROUGHLY!” nbcnews.com/news/world/pig…

@biorhythmist My god… I love you so much.

Hey everyone, I know things have been quiet, but I just wanted to share what I’ve been working on for the past few months. I also want to thank Patrick Jean for being such an amazing director to work with. I think this is some of my best work so far. vimeo.com/458482780

I’m glad that Mom is helping with the election, but I really wish she would stop referring to it as “Working The Poles.” Ok, I realize that she’s actually saying “Polls” but still… I guess this means I’m homophonic.

digg.com/video/pigeon-p… Ah, seems like Cousin Nigel made the news…

@katefeetie Well… depends who you're shooting, really.

1917 confirmed a lifelong suspicion of mine: that shooting people is very rude

For those of you who have been around this Twitter thing for a long time, let me ask you a question: “Do you know what was 10 years ago?” Answer: The SF Tweetup. (Yes, also the iPad, but who cares about that.)

Don‘t tell me what to do! After all, some of us have been waiting for some actual “feetie” content for years. I mean, I wasn‘t going to, but now that you‘ve made it a “rule“… …yeah, still no. I don‘t get why feet are a “thing“ for some people. #NoJudgement #iJustDontGetIt

On a boat _and_ eating a sandwich. I believe I am contractually obligates to share this on Twtr.

@travisakers @jevaun @EliseStefanik @andylassner @TedraCobb Spineless Stefanik is technically my congressperson. I cannot wait until Trump drags her down with his sinking ship. We deserve better. #ByeByeElise

@jevaun Yeah… I miss my Twitter pals and I miss the days when this was our happy place to come and tell dumb jokes.

Are we still doing this?

@rsmallbone Well, obviously. I mean, how else am I supposed to get a haircut?

@FunSizeBytes Did you have your dick out?

I just got a haircut. If I said the stylist gave me “the shampoo version of an awkward handjob“ would you have a pretty clear understanding of what went down (so to speak) ?

@thefount It was as the just that it wasn’t exciting, it’s that the woman doing the shampooing kind of seemed unsure of how to do it, but she kept trying because she felt like she maybe kinda felt obligated to, but really she’d rather not.

@FunSizeBytes So, it got your hair clean but the process to get there just wasn’t that exciting?