SpongeBob

I wish I had parents like Dora. They let that bitch go everywhere.

SpongeBob: "Hey Patrick, are you angry too?" Patrick: "Yeah!" SpongeBob: "What's the matter?" Patrick: "I can't see my forehead!"

Unsolved Mystery: Mr. Krabs + ? = Pearl the Whale.

D.R.A.M.A. = Dumb Retards Asking for More Attention.

Shine bright like a bacon.

Spongebob: "Can you hear me?" Patrick: "No, it's too dark."

Fuck love, give me food.

When I was kid, werewolves and vampires were scary. Now everybody wants to date them.

7 minutes of extra sleep in the morning seriously does matter.

The awkward moment when you’re waiting for a text but then you realize you’re the one who didn’t reply.

"You tweet too much." Bitch, you breathe too much.

Every time I go to a family gathering: "So, do you have a boyfriend yet?" No.

I wish school started at like... never.

PRINGLES: The only chip company in the world that doesn't sell air.

Attractive person: Hi. Me: Is this some kind of sick joke?

Bitch please, my gum lasts longer than your relationships hoe.