Rad

just saw a magpie pecking the shit out of next doors aerial cable. it’s actually fucked, the inner wires are all over the place. someone forgot to salute

@MikeSearle493 don’t worry mate, I’ve exported all my tweets and I’m going to re-post them as Threads over the next 10 years just for you. RIP Twitter

Going to Wimbledon? Take a cushion

the 1st time i tried smoking was on the eve of the legal age increasing to 18 - i was 16 and went and bought a pack an the guy in the shop was like ‘ahh mate you won’t be able to buy these tomorrow!’ and i was like ‘ahh i know mate im so gutted’

i once got a £20 fine for climbing through my uni halls window and they offered me to pay it in instalments of 50p a week

@MikeSearle493 i was like ‘nah m8’ an he was like ‘better not’ve been’

just came out the toilet on the train and a guy said ‘was that a poo?’

i once went shopping with a girl i fancied to get my mate a birthday present and ended up buying him You, Me & Dupree on dvd for £13.99

Lord: the coronation horses look like OnlyFans horses

just asked in a charity shop if they had any cameras and she said - why are you gonna hold us up with your umbrella ?

just saw a 5yr old girl in morrisons open a multipack of french fries, start eating desired flavour and throw the rest on the floor zero fucks given

is there a word for a phobia of the residue left in a spoon if you don’t eat with it upside down ?

never have i ever.. burnt myself on a chicago town pizza

i once spent £5 on a polyphonic ringtone of everytime by britney spears

@daisySolly i remember licking the bowl clean after a mild curry with cheese gratings.. ive been smashing the nissin ramen noddle but thought id try the old fave and they pale in comparison #nissin

@Rad_2020 …ever????

today i ate my last ever pack of super noodle

when i first got my hands on a nintendo switch i was like ah it would’ve been good if this was touch screen as well, they would’ve really outdone themsel..oh it is

just squeezed a whole lemon into a tin of 7up and it was still horrible

how did Carling survive the pandemic? Like seriously

overheard some kids playing at the beach - “eddie, you can be VAR..” “VAR isn’t a person, it’s a computer..” “yeah it’s a dumb one like you though”