The Fake Lantern

Michigan officially receives 2025 playoff ban.

Ohio State continues recent dominance over Michigan, winning 9th of last 13 matchups and 16th of last 21.

ESPN excitedly announces Ryan Day first coach to defeat Black and Asian coach in national championship

Correction: we keep seeing a stat referring to Ohio State's 5 top-5 wins; Ohio State also defeated #2 Ohio State on 11/30/24 for 6 total top-5 wins.

For fans clamoring to purchase an Ohio State jersey to commemorate the school's greatest team, yes the women's hockey alternate jerseys are available: gobuckeyes.com/products/osubm…

God admits He actually did help Notre Dame a bit but Ohio State that good

Shane Gillis admits faith tested after fake advertisement prayer did not yield God's favor

Ryan Day's brother takes a deep breath, wondering if this coaching decision would really be believable, before deciding and typing the directive: "kick a field goal."

Ryan Day's brother turns off the flickering TV in his dark office then turns his attention to his OSU sleeper agent control board. He switches off "QE," takes a drag from his victory cigar, then brushes off dust covering "MF." A single green light begins to blink in the darkness.

Jeremiah Smith declares for 2027 NFL draft

Ryan Day confirms: "I know where Lou Holtz is at this time"

Notre Dame lobbies for teams not in any conference to get 4 byes next time

Ohio State lobbies for further CFP expansion, would like to try it as 16 seed

- Never wore the sexy black outfits and only wore the cute gray sleeves once - Re-enacted January 6 riot on wrong day, November 30 - Wouldn't have won playoff if playoff had different rule that said Ohio State not allowed in playoff

- Did you know Kirk Herbstreit had a dog, but then, it died - Failed to pass major healthcare or immigration reform - Hypothetically lost to Bama twice - Only beat teams ranked 1, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8 in final CFP ranking, failed to beat #2 (SEC) or arguably best team: #6 Ohio State

Postmortem: Recapping what went wrong in Ohio State’s failed 2024 season: - Underpaid roster compared to inferior teams Oregon and Texas - Coach fired and re-hired 3 different times - Winless against SEC during regular season

Ohio State wins 9th national championship, overcoming earlier devastating loss to main B1G rival Oregon

Ohio State fires Ryan Day

Pope beginning to regret taking the points