zack, rapidly decaying

icymi: my new band Aphids as Lovers put out some demos to smash yr teeth & dance to. best stuff i've ever been a part of. also getting the best reception of anything i've ever put out, which is disarming and delicious give it a spinnnnn aphidsaslovers.bandcamp.com

lol imagine i can afford a child and a lego set, optimistic future

if i still talk like this when i have a kid it's just gonna be so goofy, god help them they're gonna show me a lego they built and im gonna be like "BRUHHH oh shit!! i didn't know you had it like that! that's so sick dude! go off wtf"

they call this the "sacramento mindset"

⚠️EXTREME VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED: The Man Hired By The Onion To Take Over Infowars Previously Took Part In The Infamous “Celery Man” Broadcast, A Paul Rudd-Led Digital Conditioning Operation Involving “Tayne,” “Nude Tayne,” “Nude Tayne With Hat,” “Tayne’s Hat Wiggling,” And Others That No Healthy Society Would Ever Permit To Be Sequenced On Public Networks! Investigators Are DEMANDING Answers About The Repeated Summoning Of “4D3D3D3,” The Unauthorized Tube Visuals, And The Disturbing Use Of Sensual Staircase Protocols To Lull Viewers Into A False Sense Of Security Before Exposing Them To Full-Spectrum Tayne Content! WHY Did Paul Rudd Ask “Can I Get A Hat Wobble” Unless He Already Knew The Ritual Was Underway? They Told You It Was A Sketch. They Told You It Was “Absurdist Comedy.” Meanwhile The American People Were Subjected To Raw Celery-Based PsyOps, Nude Digital PORNOGRAPHY, And Paul Rudd COMMITTING ADULTERY. The Pattern Is Hiding In Plain Sight!

showed brooke this tweet and she immediately told me the year columbine happened

casting him is pure ball knowledge @sapphicspielbrg

i got jumpscared opening this game because the creator has the same name as my old landlord, but after that it was a great experience 👍

@raynefq ty for this guide, the foot massage socks are somehow a perfect gift for my roommate

my annual gift guide which has been called “the greatest boyfriend resource of all time” by many and “straight up weird” by the new york times is out now. Even though to me it’s pretty normal & mostly about best friends substackfwd.xyz/?url=https://i…

uhhhh

forgot to say thank you to @elijahwood for keeping my thanksgiving food safe last week on the drive. i am grateful

i think it's cute that i'll sometimes catch brooke copying the things i say, except that those things are usually shit like "if i'm late i'm going to kill myself in the middle of times square"

Jake Sully is a weird figure in Na’vi history, like what if Rachel Dolezal was also George Washington

@pnasty_silent_p @femmaninomenon STEEL MAGNOLIAS OMFG

@femmaninomenon moonstruck one of my all time faves

@pnasty_silent_p goes so hard, you're welcome

why’d you guys let me rock the peter griffin today ?

do you guys know about the jawbone of St Anthony

he's so damn funny

very true

A new episode of SpongeBob recently released in Canada, and I'd like to use it as a springboard to voice my thoughts on recent SpongeBob art direction's intentional return to 'CLASSIC' SpongeBob...🧵

@ArtofSpongebob i love this account, thank you so much for sharing these observations. this is so cool!!

I hope you enjoyed my ramblings! It's been a while since I've done a thread.