Chimera

(Long spoons but not so long it means we have to involve the Devil, we should add.) #LongSpoons

Long spoons which for some reason no-one can remember got their handles bent slightly differently from the other spoons so now they won’t stack neatly in the spoon compartment of the cutlery drawer - we salute you! #LongSpoons

You cannot make a balloon out of bacon once you have fried (or grilled) it. #ChimericProverbs

Playing in the background in the seafood restaurant, that #PinkFloyd song where they advise #LeeChild’s fictional hero about his diet: ‘Hey, Reacher, Leave that Squid Alone!’

The #RevSpooner could never understand the appeal of Flak Bridie - ‘Is it Quotch?’ he would skeery.

The #RevSpooner could never understand why people felt his recipe for a canine pudding, ‘Mutt: The Custard’, wasn’t quite up to scratch.

‘The five-legged cat still lacks a thumb.’ #ChimericProverbs #MutantCritters

Each time, he was a small man with dark hair - the same haircut and dark glasses, obviously. Each man kept his face averted so nothing could be proved by eye contact. The third guy had tidied up the tattoo on his wrist, though how he’d done this he couldn’t work out.

Then there was that time the taxi driver, the toilet attendant, and the train guard were all the same man, even though he’d seen the first drive off and left the second on the platform.

Over 170 pages of vispo badness. Coming soon.

‘The best thing has been inventing ghost stamps. Sourcing the ghost gum, spirit-deckling, thinking up new designs using the skulls of former monarchs for portraits no-one can see. He collects all his own stamps, of course, in a phantom album, a range of which he also sells.’

@HenninghamPress If you grow spring onions at the top of a flight of stairs they eventually turn into Slinky onions.

genuine question: are onions just spring onions grown up?

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na… #BatShemp! #BatShemp! #TheThreeStooges (from ‘Spooks!’, 1953)

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na… #BatSquid #BatSquid:

Do you have a heated wafer that you would like to wave in order to indicate that you would like to waive the heat? Here’s an entirely useless set of inexpert instructions: chimeragroup.wordpress.com/2022/08/10/hea… #ChimeraGroup

…but never glass. Yeah thanks advisors we already knew that about glass.

ADVISORS - Teeth that tell you how to do something you already knew how to do instead of biting down on plants and animals like proper teeth…

Remember: in this weather you can aestivate teenagers in bottles of Dandelion & Burdock. You must obtain these from old putting sheds in 1970s parks. Be careful! The park attendant won’t give their bottles up without a fight, and they are armed with putting sticks, lots of them!

Remember: in this weather, Robo Bee Cop has the right to shoot to kill. Don’t do anything to piss off Robo Bee Cop! Who knows what a bee is thinking!

Remember: in this weather, do not spread mustard on your caterpillars.