katarina დ flopmaxxing

when i tell you i love living in my own suffering built brick by brick by only myself and iits a wall that also keeps me protected

i talked with my friend and yeah she fully gets me and is like she told me stuff i already know and i know how to change it and gave me advice BUT im not changing or going back to therapy anymore bro everything is bottling up so bad inside me tho

this is another level of loneliness like before it was just not me feeling accompanied by anyone and not feeling seen superficially but now is like even if it’s fully there i can’t just feel it once i grasped that there is not anyone who will love, care, see me the way i want..

impulsivity vulnerability apathy not feeling seen or heard keeping everything to myself bottling everything up feeling alone rage resentment exploding

so i guess there are parts of me i haven’t fully explored yet that i wasn’t even aware of

uh guys the way my friend actually clocked me it’s insane

this is so funny because it literally works. I’ve had the same mindset where like “I’m too good to binge.” “I would never binge.” and other key manifestations like that. And it’s been working very well for me.

not to bethat kind of person but i am literally alive but death inside sounds so corny but is true

I ONLY DONT DO IT BECAUSE MY MOM ALREADY LOST A DAUGHTER SHE CANT LOSR TWICE HER LIFE HAS BEEN SO DIFFICULT

i am so so miserable when i eat like a regular person

wait can someone get me out of this loop of misery

honestly HONESTLY is so fucked up that my only source of happiness is losing weight bro i am so scared but it’s so ridiculous and stupid why do i care why do i give it so much power on my life

i feel so guilty everyday. Yes i can eat without tracking but it always ends up in a binge and even if there wasn’t any food available i would still be spiraling. I am honestly so sad why can’t i be normal, if i am not actively restricting everything feels wrong all time

is not even wannarexic attention seeking typa way cause literally no one in my life cares about me and i don’t care if anyone notices, is merely the purpose it gives me and the looking forward to something, but damn how uncomfortable is the body when you gain

binging before my school trip WHUUUUUUYUUYYUYTTTTTTTTTTTHE HERLLLLLLLLLLLKLLLLLLL

im kinda pissed off my friend is going back to her ex like seeing her back to her unhealthy relationship makes me so sad specially after how much she suffered 🥲

maybe i can take control back? - 316cal

i don’t even trust myself going back on a diet tomorrow

guys GUYS i am not sleeping today until i lock in i must i have to is impossible to keep living like this eating just whatever through the day

i don’t even care if i have to isolate i am willing to not put any effort into anything else as long as it doesn’t affect my deficit i am so serious BUT WHY can’t i make up my mind around it i need to take controlllllll rnnnnn