Baron Von Douche

I'm 47, unmarried, have no kids, and I've now taken in a stray cat. This "dying alone" thing is really picking up some serious fucking momentum.

Today's kids will never know the anxiety of having to rewind dad's VHS porno to the exact spot before you started watching.

Age 12. Walked Confederate General Pickett's Charge. Gettysburg. One mile of open ground. Fuck that shit.

@_OT__ What up Mr. Nickey 😀

I take online classes for my master's because I care about my education but not enough to put pants on.

Hard to believe, if I'd invested in Microsoft in the 80's, I'd be dead of a drug overdose.

@Tendo78879854 Sad, our legendary coach Owen Hauck and two teammates..... ... Have passed on to heaven. Craig Mullins and Tony Law.... Mad respect.

@robwalton30 You do for me bro and thanks. 😁

#14 Safety & backup QB. 1986 senior day with family Boone County, Kentucky. State At Large Champions

I loved my coach like a father.... Rip Mr. Hauck.... And Craig Mullins & Tony Law.

If you paid 3 million for a recount that increased your opponents lead... YOUR A DUMBASS

Sex so good you take off the Santa suit and clap.

@Hormonella Awesome 👍

My holiday tradition is not decorating.

@MsGourami Ms. G ❤️ Got the morning hangover shits, everyday.

Welcome to 40: When one huge fart throws out your back.

@Tendo78879854 Mr. Tendon 😀 I only care for the twitter laughs... Hope to bring smiles, even if it's for a few seconds.

@robwalton30 Awesome bro. 😊 Honestly, I think that your best is yet to come...

@Tendo78879854 I was pretty good back in the day.... But it was the 82nd Airborne Division.... ... that brought out my best.

@robwalton30 The Denver Broncos could use you right now...

@1MeLrO Sup Ms. Melissa??

@wilgmil11 Bribed Santa a heavy sum of money..... .... While fuckin Mrs Claus.

@robwalton30 We know better. How much did you pay him to scratch off your name?

No longer on the naughty list. 😀

@jrczyk1 Looks like I picked the wrong week.... ... To quit sniffing glue.

But at What COST V.B.D., At what cost?!

It's been 10 years since Leslie Nielsen passed away at a hospital. It's a big building with doctors and patients, but that's not important right now.

@MZbytheBay @DanicaReaves @paigewho2 Airplane II: Rocket launchers and machine guns thru airport security. Not so funny now.