snarkandlemons

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snarkandlemons

snarkandlemons

@snarkandlemons

When life gives you 🍋’s it’s okay to bitch about it. User of twitter to make my IG pretty🤷‍♀️ Follow on IG ➡️ @snarkandlemons

New York, USA Katılım Haziran 2020
358 Takip Edilen1.3K Takipçiler
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snarkandlemons
snarkandlemons@snarkandlemons·
At this point I’m definitely more of a roll model than a role model
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snarkandlemons
snarkandlemons@snarkandlemons·
No one tells you how difficult it is to complete a thought once you become a mother.
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snarkandlemons
snarkandlemons@snarkandlemons·
I’m aging more like an opened bottle of wine than a fine wine.
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snarkandlemons
snarkandlemons@snarkandlemons·
Was it the moon or sleep regression? ~parenting questions unanswered
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snarkandlemons
snarkandlemons@snarkandlemons·
“Ohhhhhhhh, that’s so nice” My 3 year old watching the scissors glide through the wrapping paper with one glorious cut.
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snarkandlemons
snarkandlemons@snarkandlemons·
Elfuckery: The bullshit you come up with for your Elf on the Shelf.
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snarkandlemons
snarkandlemons@snarkandlemons·
So am I just basting the turkey in CBD oil this year?
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sixfootcandy
sixfootcandy@sixfootcandy·
Friend: "Only 53 shopping days until Christmas!" Me: "I have plenty of time." [52 days later] Me: "Oh f**k."
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Adam
Adam@adamgreattweet·
just thought that by this point in my life technology would allow us to smell the food featured on a cooking show
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Mommy Needs a Life
Mommy Needs a Life@momneedsalife3·
I’m never more annoyed at my kid than when they’re acting exactly like me.
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snarkandlemons
snarkandlemons@snarkandlemons·
If someone thinks you are an asshole for setting boundaries I promise you, you are not the asshole.
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snarkandlemons
snarkandlemons@snarkandlemons·
It wouldn’t be a holiday weekend if I wasn’t debating calling the doctor.
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I Hide From My Kids
I Hide From My Kids@IHideFromMyKids·
All I want is to live in a house so big that I can’t hear my husband pooping.
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Mommy Needs a Life
Mommy Needs a Life@momneedsalife3·
I don’t understand people who do things after work. After work I just want to lie down and die.
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Twinstant Family | Lisa
Twinstant Family | Lisa@twinstantfamily·
@snarkandlemons Hahaha I think I’d rather have them awake at their normal time and friendly than whatever rolled out of bed this morning.
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Twinstant Family | Lisa
Twinstant Family | Lisa@twinstantfamily·
Yesterday the twins turned 4, started school, skipped a nap, B had therapy, and then more birthday celebration over dinner. It’s 7:30am and they’re still asleep.
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Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️
Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️@maryfairybobrry·
My favorite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it and then I never find it again
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snarkandlemons
snarkandlemons@snarkandlemons·
If you like to hear every second of the day dictated by a tiny person with no volume control then parenting might be for you
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snarkandlemons
snarkandlemons@snarkandlemons·
Today my toddler pointed out the dark circles under my eyes. It was almost like she was admiring her work.
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snarkandlemons
snarkandlemons@snarkandlemons·
My 4 year old said she was done with me. Her immediate need for a snack proved that was a lie.
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Mommy Owl
Mommy Owl@Mommy__Owl·
My friend said that once you have a baby it will take about 10 yrs for you to have your independence again. You‘ll emerge from your shell looking for every opportunity to party like you’re in your 20s except you’re in your 40s with a 9PM bedtime and under eye bags to think about.
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