maybdwan

The in+out in my hometown is so packed every night they have teenagers walking the drive-in queue to take orders and the first thing they say when you roll down your window is, "will you be eating in your car tonight?" Lil dude had me stammering

@at&t so weird but none of the texts from my friends are coming through like they're getting my texts but im not getting theirs back?! Kindly repair this issue pronto!! Thanks, mary

@edggde Yessss only 3 more to go

I get to keep 1 shitty tshirt w holes in it for each of my 3 year relationships, this is the sacred rule which protects me from sunk cost totality

@edggde So glad I’m not a car alarm expert

Me trying to fit in whether I’m in baltimore or california at this point

@edggde Took me a long time to accept that ya, you have to put a bunch of water (like at least a cup), also I had to get over not liking bananas for sweetness (texture substantively different if you freeze em) + add nut butter if you want it to be like, a meal that you’re drinking

@edggde Sounds like peach juice

How dare we, as a society, call them ‘JOWLS’ wayyy too accurate of a word. Insult to injury.

He tried to engage me about what paisley “means,” but I was too shy (couldn’t think of an answer)

“If there’s no buttons am I just supposed to like pull it on top of me or what??” he’s holding up a tall tee to a non English speaking woman, but she’s smiling, she’s helping him pull it on

There’s a young speed freak in this savers whose thing is just asking all the women how to put on and style different articles of clothing— pretty endearing actually

White noise plot unfurling

I don’t want to be in an open relationship but I would also like to not be solely responsible for another person’s happiness—why are these the only 2 relationship options??

@lumperslump I had a toaster oven but I think this is the first thing I cooked

@mattsutaaki Pareidolia is one helluva drug

he's straight up buying random rocks, seeing stuff in them, and then claiming it means that humans were making glass eons ago to culture psychoactive fungi

this guy i followed on because he finds and identifies a lot of mushrooms has pivoted to "humans have created art for MUCH longer than previously thought" and this is the art

@hipearlrose Are you still here? Im here too!

LA has surprised me and been lovely

Nah he know every word of jingle bells + he just hates us all

Someone on my flight taught their 2 year old the word stupid, and either he doesn’t know any other adjectives or he’s being so mean