bobby 🫡

an app that lets you hang out with your dad

JUST IN: Anthropic's Claude has begun mandatory penis inspection day checks for some users.

GOALS BEFORE I TURN 3 - SLEEPING WITHOUT MY NIGHTLIGHT - NOT BEING SCARED OF THE MONSTER UNDER MY BED - EATING MY VEGETABLES

cigarette implies the existence of a much larger “cigar”

Just penismogged my coworker at the urinal

Sweating buckets in bed, butt naked, legs spread with no AC and a camera flash went off outside my window

@salty_squiffer 👏 Bravo. Just bravo. FANTASTIC use of the "irony" literary device. In most cases, the meat (or, well... your penis.) would be beaten, NOT the other way around. But in a clever twist, this tweet reveals the MEAT is the one beating YOU! I'll remember this next time I jerk off. 😂

My meat started beating me #SubversionofExpectations

yeah i’m not getting on no “micro soft” teams call but you do you bro

does anyone know how to make this happen. has anyone looked into this

I put you on a pedestal. Act like it.

"Mean free path of a ballistic child" is a generational phrase

therapist told me it'd be easier if i just blew my shit smoove off

just divided something by zero btw. it’s actually super easy and they let you do it if you’re pure of heart

It should be illegal to mug people man I made $1700 this week alone

An alien saw me but nobody believes him

When you have a gathering

my ultimate delusion is that i will win. not maybe, not someday, not if things go right. i will win, it’s a certainty. and there’s nothing in this world strong enough to convince me otherwise.