Dip Bayless

Sources: Breaking News:: THIS JUST IN::: ESPN8 Exclusive:::: The Bills have formally accused the Cardinals of cheating. Could you imagine? That’s like being in a fantasy madden league with your friends and then accusing a team of cheating in a video game.

Sources: Cowboys coach bought an illegal substance the day of the draft. Drafting and playing sober last season didn't help, logical choice is to get loaded and see what happens.

The Commission-fuhrer strikes again! The Jaguars' highly-coveted first-round pick was SIMULATED. The offered compensation for the "mistake," you ask? $5. What kind of leader allows this to happen? The kind that also OWNS a team in the league. Coincidence? Nope. Cheating.

Madden CFM Pre-Season2 Plow-Her Rankings: 1 - Redskins 2 - Colts 3 - Dolphins 4 - Buccaneers 5 - Jets POOPTOWN 1 - Cowboys 2 - Eagles 3 - Saints

Fun fact: The opposing team celebrated the 3 year anniversary of this epic draw last week on March 24

Anonymous source: Maybe don’t hammer the Colts -2.5 just yet. Their coach has an apparent history of coming up short in big moments. To set the scene: He’s got a PK in the 90th for the win.

Final three possessions: Russell Wilson pump fakes then throws a pick. Russell Wilson tries to truck-stick linebacker and fumbles. Titans call timeout instead of letting clock run out and, you guess it, another interception. People: "This guy STINKS."

Lamar Kevin Millar is gonna have some Red Sox after this blistering playoff performance.

Big Somms is about to take a Grande L.

Like a coronavirus victim, Russell Wilson coughs it up. Colts then score faster than the head cheerleader on prom night. 28-13 LATE in the third.

The Titans defense give up ANOTHER score, proving they've got less coverage than the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition.

Someone's gotta tell the Commissionfuhrer to stop truck-sticking so much. The Colts are giving the Titans defense the Run Around no Blues Traveler.

The Saints offense, in a photo:

I mean honestly ... what was the Saints offense doing?! I haven't seen a team/player disappear like that since (insert Ben Simmons in the 4th quarter of a big game here).

Breaking: Saints coach Squilliam Fancyson receives contract extension despite pissing down his leg in the playoffs.

It was a three-quarter snoozefest, but the the Bucs got it done late and uninstalled the Saints from the playoffs.

Did y'all know Kyler Murray made a cameo on Spongebob?

Bold move for the Fuccaneers to leave too much time AGAIN on the clock for the Nawlins Fancysons (as their known around my apartment). Hey coach -- it's called bleeding the clock and time management.

Kyler Murray aka Calamari was so perfectly named. What a squid of a quarterback.

NOPE.

Tom Brady is ripping the seam (route) like a fat guy dancing at a wedding. Aints defense didn't have an answer! But ... did Mr. Long Back leave him too much time?!