Ted

if you can hold 3 jobs, hit a few perfect trades, keep expenses low and then nail that parlay you can live the lifestyle of a moderately successful plumber in the 1970s

😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

Mauricio Pochettino walking onto the pitch for the first knockout stage game #usmnt

Miles Russell with a Father’s Day gift for the ages. Brought his dad inside the ropes to caddie so he could walk the 18th hole with him at his first major championship. His dad apparently had no idea. Special.

What I would give to see Lee Corso put on a giant eagle head

This straight up gave me the chills. God, I love this country.

I don’t want the World Cup to end because these videos are priceless

I am fully erect.

Thank you @NASA for the coolest day ever. One week ago, we were eating Chili’s in Chattanooga, and today we’re talking to the ISS. This is the American dream. Thanks for letting three random World Cup tourists from Germany live it for a few days. USA rocks.🇺🇸🚀

Responsible 40-year-old $VOO holders watching a 19-year-old retire after YOLOing into $SPCX

Everyday we see real things from the government that the writers of Veep couldn’t come up with on an Ayahuasca retreat

SpaceX hit $3 trillion market cap today. This means Elon Musk made more money in the last 24 hours than Warren Buffett made in his entire lifetime. Insane.

"The pope's brother attended the gladiatorial combat held to commemorate the empire's 250th anniversary" is the kind of fun fact you'd hear in a history podcast and go "huh, wild"

Seeing the glow of the Waffle House sign at 3:42 am after closing down the bars and puking in the Uber

“Oh Balogun is just playing for the U.S. because he couldn’t make the England squad”…Folks, that is the entire promise of our nation. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. And then we’ll beat your ass with them.

USA. A Mexican restaurant. We had not yet ordered anything, and the food was already arriving. Chips. Salsa. Unrequested. Free. I stopped the waiter. "We have not earned these." "They just come with the table, man." They come with the TABLE. In my land, hospitality is a debt. Every gift creates an obligation, weighed carefully, returned in the proper season with interest of feeling. Here, the gift arrives before you have even proven you can pay for dinner. This is not an appetizer. This is a declaration: we trust you. Eat. I ate with the gravity the moment deserved. And then — I must report this calmly — the basket emptied, and a new one appeared. "Did we…?" "Refill," the waiter said. "It's bottomless." Bottomless. They have wells of salsa. The supply lines of this nation are beyond anything my ancestors imagined. My friend warned me. "Don't fill up on chips, dude." Too late. I had accepted three baskets. Honor demanded each one be finished — an unfinished gift is an insult. By the time my actual food arrived, I was a ruined man. I was not hungry. I was not comfortable. I had been defeated by a courtesy. Generosity that arrives before the request cannot be repaid. It can only be survived. I know the rule now. I have made my peace with the basket. One basket. Two at the most. Who am I deceiving. There is no number of baskets I would refuse. The trust of a nation is in that salsa, and I intend to honor all of it.

Roddy White That guy rocked.

Tonight we teach Paraguay about some Freedom Soccer

Wake the fuck up it’s goddamn gameday. Anyone boozing?? Anyone naked? Yea, I was just talking to the president.