meatshirt

New olivia rodrigo themed ride called “cry upside down”

im starting to think this stress relief tea is bullshit

[anytime im minorly inconvenienced] this is like dying

I just want to be rich enough where I never have to be seen in public again.

I like my women like my woods: haunted & can kill me at any moment.

robber: give me your wallet me: do your thing patricia girl im on a date with who’s profile said she enjoys karaoke but I read it as karate: what?

Life is simply about having the same few experiences thousands of times, then one time you fight a snake

Please welcome Prince Phillip to the haunted mansion ride

I imagine it would be difficult to demand a divorce while sitting in a rocking chair

Having a fully mature frontal lobe sucks, I want to shoot a gun at the microwave without worrying about it

Not today, Satan. Soon, though. Please call my secretary to reschedule

We’re building a new ride based off the United States Senate. The ride will cut your head off and then run you over

[doing any part of my job] This is the part of the job I hate

i need to divorce my wife before she divorces me

colleague: how was your weekend me: i did cocaine with a horse

at last

not to brag but I can read a whole book and immediately forget everything about it

HER:I love Tolstoy's take on the human moral struggle ME:*Trying to impress* See I prefer Tolstoyee 3 where Woody was in the trash compactor

How much bad news can we handle in one day? 9? 9 bad news? Is it 9?