Ben Singer

I’m a young man in an old person’s body. I have a pacemaker, two reconstructed knees, and every night before bed I look at Zillow.

Just posted a photo @ The Academy Playhouse instagram.com/p/CfowbLkOIyb/…

Just posted a photo @ The Academy Playhouse instagram.com/p/CfowGmtujlr/…

People who post their engagement on social media should be liable to post if they get divorced

I wish all of the existential threats to our well being could start working against each other instead of aginast us. If only the supreme court could contract Delta and get washed away in a hurricane.

The objective of netowokring emails is to convey the following: I want you to do me a favor but I genuinely don’t want you to feel pressured to. However, I kind of need that favor. Oh and by the way, I am super respectful, poised, ambitious, hardworking, smart and not desperate.

Whoever is keeping track of dynasties at the NYT has an unusual list going: Shang Dynasty Tang Dynasty, Song Dynasty, Ming Dynasty, Qing Dynasty, Governor Andrew M. Cuomo 3.5 terms google.com/amp/s/www.nyti…

The 2020 census revealed the fastest-growing U.S. metro area is a Florida retirement community. If you visit, check yelp for the hottest new libraries and bus stops.

An Austin brewery is giving away free cases of beer for those who get vaccinated. UT Austin frat houses have now signed up for daily booster shots.

Mets’ pitcher David Peterson needs foot surgery after tripping in the locker room. He can strikeout the best hitters on the planet but can’t WATCH HIS STEP!?

Nothing is better for a fish population than each member plummeting to its death.

I wonder why every time a truck comes to a stop, it sighs.

The better a place's food is, the more intolerable its people are. Ex: Manhattan, West Hollywood, and Europe.

Everyone would fail the SAT if the only question was “what does SAT stand for?”

The CDC said lifting mask restrictions for the vaccinated will encourage people to get shots. I don’t think anti-vaxxers are waiting for permission to take their masks off.

This is like taking Plan B after the kid is born. nytimes.com/2021/04/25/us/…

Aliens looking at Linkedin would think “wait, this can’t be right. This ENTIRE species has communication skills? What are the chances?!”

"One of the most common anti-vax rumors involves the mRNA in the vaccines somehow rewriting your personal DNA....” - WebMD It's hard to believe anti-vaxxers know what mRNA is. That’s like claiming toddlers’ most common aversion to broccoli is distrust of photosynthesis.

It’s hard catching up with friends because you always have a competition to ask about the other person’s life before they ask about yours.

Conceptualizing the passage of time over the last year feels like doing ayahuasca.