Fly J

75.7K posts

Fly J banner
Fly J

Fly J

@FlyJ_

I tried to push an alien out of my vagina, but it didn’t work. Wannabe writer.

📍In my head انضم Haziran 2014
4.2K يتبع25K المتابعون
تغريدة مثبتة
Fly J
Fly J@FlyJ_·
My sex tape is 30 minutes of me trying to get back on the floaty I fell off of in the pool.
English
163
3K
4.3K
0
Fly J أُعيد تغريده
Nayele18
Nayele18@nayele18maybe·
I know I seem unapproachable. That's the plan.
English
6
669
2.6K
102.2K
Fly J
Fly J@FlyJ_·
Men are such idiots
English
1
2
5
754
Fly J أُعيد تغريده
Ron Perlman
Ron Perlman@perlmutations·
Woke up to see twitter is now “X”. The real question is “Y”
English
10.7K
3.9K
39.7K
3M
Fly J أُعيد تغريده
Fly J
Fly J@FlyJ_·
Pro Tip: Feel the need for a good relationship? Get a dog.
English
13
304
450
0
Fly J أُعيد تغريده
Fly J
Fly J@FlyJ_·
The great thing about getting older is the ability to fall and hurt yourself without even drinking.
English
5
206
284
0
Fly J أُعيد تغريده
Fly J
Fly J@FlyJ_·
Quit crying, it only gets worse. Start drinking now and you'll be fine. -Me as a high school guidance counselor.
English
10
319
452
0
Fly J أُعيد تغريده
Fly J
Fly J@FlyJ_·
I can only assume that when people disappear from Twitter for months at a time that they're doing well in rehab.
English
9
201
301
0
Fly J أُعيد تغريده
Fly J
Fly J@FlyJ_·
Remember when we were kids and we couldn't wait to grow up, move out of the house and get a job? God, we were dumb.
English
16
727
921
0
Fly J أُعيد تغريده
Fly J
Fly J@FlyJ_·
My sex tape is 30 minutes of me trying to get back on the floaty I fell off of in the pool.
English
163
3K
4.3K
0
Fly J أُعيد تغريده
Fly J
Fly J@FlyJ_·
People keep inviting me to attend their events like they don’t know I have a dog at home who I’d rather hang out with.
English
9
187
283
0
Fly J أُعيد تغريده
Fly J
Fly J@FlyJ_·
Is it ok to say, “Fuck you, I want a divorce” in a text or no.
English
69
82
309
0
Fly J أُعيد تغريده
Fly J
Fly J@FlyJ_·
I wanted to get off the couch and get a glass of water, but I'm too lazy to move, so I decided to tweet about it instead.
English
8
261
376
0
Fly J أُعيد تغريده
Fly J
Fly J@FlyJ_·
I wonder how many bodies are buried in Boyd's backyard.
English
2
42
66
0
Fly J أُعيد تغريده
Fly J
Fly J@FlyJ_·
please don't be laundry in here, please don't be laundry in here, please don't be laundry in here... -me opening the dryer
English
2
224
342
0
Fly J أُعيد تغريده
Fly J
Fly J@FlyJ_·
Your call is important to us. Please wait on the line until you're dead and an agent will be with you shortly after that.
English
3
119
183
0
Fly J أُعيد تغريده
Man of Letters
Man of Letters@manofletterz·
Twitter is for people who want attention while being left alone.
English
82
521
1.2K
150.1K
Netflix
Netflix@netflix·
To everyone who stayed up late, woke up early, gave up their Sunday afternoon… we are incredibly sorry that the Love is Blind Live Reunion did not turn out as we had planned. We're filming it now and we'll have it on Netflix as soon as humanly possible. Again, thank you and sorry.
English
7.8K
2.8K
30.1K
17.8M