Matt

19.6K posts

Matt

@Mattbachus

Stand up comedian in NY. 10,000 laughs, Limestone, New York, SLO, Red Clay comedy festivals.

New York, NY انضم Mart 2009

880 يتبع1.5K المتابعون

تغريدة مثبتة

Matt@Mattbachus·23 Eki

7 years of living in a windowless room in Brooklyn and I just signed a lease for a place with a window… I’m beyond excited to finally have something to jump out of.

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ShitpostGateway@ShitpostGate·2h

No need, he has his lucky Raccoon penis on him

Leading Report@LeadingReport

Sec. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. seen not ducking for cover.

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Klara@klara_sjo·15h

l wonder if Jack Skellington thinks about fat white chicks that live in trailer parks as much as they think about him.

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ry@RyanNice·15h

for those wondering, he is dating Chris Chan

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juju 💰@ayeejuju·2d

a clown’s average salary is $40-$50k a year and here you are, being one for free

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Matt@Mattbachus·3d

The White Castle near my hotel has a 2.7 rating on google so you know it’s either about to be hittin’ or kill me at first bite.

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mau@rllydu·3d

please don’t smoke your strawberry ice vape around my baby. he does not like that flavor

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Matt@Mattbachus·3d

I’ll join the Taliban before I join CLEAR+

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Matt@Mattbachus·6d

@VorosTwins You dorks stole this tweet.

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DA VINKI@VorosTwins·6d

In Canada Hannah Montana is called Hannitoba Manitoba!

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Terpene Hunter@SwishaShock·13 Nis

Bro is a dork

Hoop Central@TheHoopCentral

Drake’s seats for the Raptors game tonight. 🥶 (via @apox6ix)

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Matt@Mattbachus·11 Nis

Shoutout bubba the retard! Long time listener first time retard.

Ben Avery@benaveryisgood

Prediabetic snapback a-frame liver disease guys are the new sports media personalities. They’re all named like Danny Beers or Bubba the retard

English

Matt@Mattbachus·4 Nis

She just cannot keep her face out of trumps ass

TMZ@TMZ

Pam Bondi's portrait was tossed in the trash at the Department of Justice after Trump firing 👀 tmz.me/g6XfFwK

English

Matt@Mattbachus·18 Mar

There’s a man next to me eating a salad and drinking milk. Something so disgusting I might have to actually KMS

English

Matt@Mattbachus·17 Mar

I love @tonyhawk more than some members of my actual family and it’s not even close.

English

Matt@Mattbachus·17 Mar

When is @PopTartsUS gonna do the right thing and put three in the foil instead of just two?

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Matt أُعيد تغريده

Geppetto San Martín 🚬🌭𓅸@SmalltimeJones·13 Mar

gotta say, sitting in an office chair at a boardroom table dry firing a rifle before downing a pint glass of scotch and a couple inside cigarettes while your underlings have to watch and clap looks like a sick as hell life for ballers

Clash Report@clashreport

📸 Kim Jong-un testing new North Korean guns.

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SPIN@SPIN·6 Mar

Future Islands change their lives with a Letterman performance of 'Seasons (Waiting on You)' Just bask in Samuel T. Herring’s incredible movements and impassioned vocals, not to mention the propulsive band around him, 12 years ago today. (📹 via @letterman on IG)