I'm babysitting and already I've screamed "WE DO NOT PICK OUR NOSES ON THE TRAMPOLINE" and "DO NOT THROW THE BELL PEPPER AT YOUR BROTHER" and I'm convinced parenting is just a series of increasingly absurd Mad Libs
I set out a suitcase to pack for my flight later today and spotted my 3 year old crawling inside it to hide. I casually zipped it up, yelled "I'M OFF TO THE AIRPORT, EVERYBODY!", and carried it to the car. I've circled the block twice and my luggage hasn't stopped laughing.
Kids wake up at 5 am to ask us for stuff because they know that's when our wills are at their weakest. Yes, child, take the tablet and watch whatever you want while eating chocolate donuts on the couch, just let me sleep.
A toddler's biggest talent is driving you right to the edge of your sanity and then reeling you back in with the most effervescent show of affection you've ever experienced.
A toddler's biggest talent is driving you right to the edge of your sanity and then reeling you back in with the most effervescent show of affection you've ever experienced.
I choked on some water earlier and during my coughing fit, my 4yo asked me to be quiet so he could hear the tv. It’s safe to say I should start saving for a nursing home now.
Watching a documentary on Ancient Egypt when my 5 y/o stops in front of the TV, drops her jaw and says, “THEY WROTE ON WALLS? You’re not supposed to write on walls!”
My 6-year-old is sick with a cough, so I told him gargling with warm salt water can help. He looked at me & said, "I'm NOT going all the way to the ocean right now."
It's funny how toddlers who won't even leave you alone to pee for five seconds become 2nd graders who won't even wave to you in front of their friends. Life comes at ya fast.
My little girl is fiercely independent. She won't even hold hands on a walk because she "doesn't need help!" So when I felt her reach up and gently hold my hand as we walked into the first day of kindergarten I teared up. Then she dragged it across her slimy nose like a kleenex.