sos

I'm going to hate you by the end of this

struggling to hold multiple jobs, multiple lovers, multiple identities. none of it is enough

let me defeat myself one last time

my head is making this horrible buzzing sound and it's slowly becoming my own personal lullaby

I think I made you up inside my head

the dignity of things and the exceptional in the everyday

you had a plan. did i go along with it or did i fall for it?

watching myself like an old tv

can't get your taste out of my mouth can't get your face out of my mind

ever watched yourself become what you hate most?

thankful for the silence

i see you everywhere you're not. i see you everywhere you're missing

i hope that at the gates of hell they play me a tape of every bad thing i've ever done. i deserve to be reminded of every single one

but baby we're not right

i'm sorry for what i've become, i'm sorry for what i never will be

my bottom lip still tastes like blood you ripped me open physically almost as much as you did emotionally

i told you don't worry about it but fuck i didn't mean that

i wasted a lot of time trying to make myself perfect for you and i don't even know if i'll ever find you, i don't even know if you exist

the ladybug flying around my house is going to die sad, alone and exhausted. not too unlike myself

i'm lost in the mazes that you drew on my skin