Simon Jansen

Don't slam the car d... #SchoolDropOff

Randy Feltface is my new favourite waste of time. Very funny, very purple, and very worth investing a little time in. Here he is talking about boomers…

Caught a clip of Marilyn Monroe in that dress today, can you believe it’s been 71 years since The Seven Year Itch was released? #Icon

Just watched Louis Theroux’s excellent #InsideTheManosphere with my 23 year old daughter on #Netflix . @louistheroux you are a legend, and hopefully the catalyst for the demise of these vacuous cunts! #Influencers my arse, scammers more like it! 😂

@benshephard I’m a leftie like you, I write and play snooker left handed, everything else right handed. You didn’t mention kitchen knives, left or right? I use my left! #ThisMorning

I’d love to know if, and what incentives have been offered to the likes of Pam Bondi, Kash Patel et al involved in representing Donald J Trump because their performance at the Congress hearings demonstrates they would clearly cut off their nose to spite their face. #EpsteinFiles

Just finished watching Mackenzie Crook’s #SmallProphets. Another wonderful, gentle comedy à la #Detectorists well worth the watch! Looking forward to series 2!

I can’t wait to hear this.

Statement from the Nobel Foundation One of the core missions of the Nobel Foundation is to safeguard the dignity of the Nobel Prizes and their administration. The Foundation upholds Alfred Nobel’s will and its stipulations. It states that the prizes shall be awarded to those who "have conferred the greatest benefit to humankind," and it specifies who has the right to award each respective prize. A prize can therefore not, even symbolically, be passed on or further distributed. For additional information, please refer to the Norwegian Nobel Committee: nobelpeaceprize.org/press/press-re…

@NotFarLeftAtAll The obvious answer to her question is Harvey! He is a a lovely boy and Jordan/KP is doing her absolute best to ensure he has the best life.

She’s a lovely person who’s done a great job looking after Harvey. Where’s his dad..

@Matt_Pinner Chicken Cup A Soup. 🤢

Settle a debate. What do you call this?

@Matt_Pinner Slippery when wet. I wouldn’t Keep The Faith in them. It’s My Life. And others come to think of it.

How would you describe this tire ? 🛞

Feel like a wise man! 🤣 Wordle 1,644 3/6 ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜🟨⬜⬜⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

@Lights79 👌🏼 I will give it a go tomorrow 👊🏼

@simonjansen I’ll get that a listen. Have you tried bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/p…

This was an interesting podcast I listened to today @Lights79, I think I’ve run out of decent true crime but do love a good investigation/ documentary to keep me entertained. Any recommendations? open.spotify.com/show/3g89DYSv4…

@LBC @kimwild02 Fucking Hell! 40 Prostitutes in four days, where does he get the energy?When my wife told me she’d arranged for me to spend the weekend with a stripper, I couldn’t believe my luck. By Sunday evening, I was knackered, mind you, the garden furniture came up a treat!

Andrew had '40 prostitutes brought to his five-star Thailand hotel room' during four-day taxpayer funded trip lbc.co.uk/article/andrew…

@gunsnrosesgirl3 For a satisfying plop, surely?

But why

@JeremyClarkson Had you invited David Cameron around for Sunday lunch?

Filming at Diddly Squat has stopped for a little while but the farming goes on. Today, I have rented out a pig for sexual purposes.

@GylesB1 😂 You’re one of us now! Gyles, you’re a legend, and always a pleasure to listen to.

At Pret the very nice server asked: “Are you famous?” My wife replied: “No, he’s useless.”

I’d love to have been a fly on the wall when Sure and Lynx decided that all over deodorant should be a thing and then the marketing team presenting its pitch… and then getting it signed off. We used to laugh about this a few years ago!

My focus was on club head speed today and unfortunately not on my short iron game. 😂#DriveForShowPuttForDough