noelle أُعيد تغريده
i need to process, so i’m going to be 113% honest right now.
i never cry. if i’ve ever said i was crying, i completely lied to you all. when i say that, i mean i just really really wish i was. it never works, i can never just let everything go. it’s the worst because i can feel it coming but then tears just won’t flow and wash all the pain away. everything just stays bottled up for months and months as it destroys me, no matter how desperately i want to just let it all go.
when she started to tell this speech, about how she NEEDED to make this album, that she NEEDED to cope by expressing herself through music and her songwriting—i completely broke down. i have not cried in over a year. the thought of the person that is the reason i’m here, that i’m still giving life a fighting chance, ever feeling so broken and helpless pains me more than anything in the world. maybe i deserve this, but there’s no way in hell that she does.
but she wrote this album, she worked through everything she was feeling by writing music, she was strong, she healed, and she persevered. she’s so resilient, she ALWAYS preserves. THAT is why taylor means so much to me. she’s my constant reminder that no matter what happens, i WILL be okay. and now, she’s never seemed this happy literally EVER.
that reminder was everything i needed right now and more.
you’re losing me has been my lifeline for the past few months, which have truly been the worst months of my life. my mental health is a disaster. i can’t even explain it. i’ve just been so depressed and broken, i haven’t been able to do anything with myself. i can’t go to my classes, i can’t do my schoolwork, i genuinely can barely get out of bed at all. i can’t even take care of myself, i struggle to force myself to even eat.
to top it all off, my relationship with my family is a mess—they used to be my favorite people in the entire world. they’re always angry with me, like it’s MY FAULT i’m so broken.
my thoughts have never been more terrifying, there have been instances where i almost didn’t make it through the night alive. but the one thing that has always saved me has been you’re losing me.
i never thought she would be able to play this song, that it would hurt her too much. but she did it, and she was okay.
maybe someday, i’ll be okay.
something about you’re losing me, maybe it’s the soothing feeling i get from hearing her heartbeat for hours on end, maybe it’s the reminder that despite how sorrowful that song is, she made it out alive and now she is thriving. whatever it is, i have not stopped listening to this song since it hit streaming in november. nothing means more to me than you’re losing me, and i’m a broken mess right now. i think i’m finally realizing that this has been my favorite song this whole time, since it has truly helped me through so much.
i’m devastated that i wasn’t there to experience it, but i’m so glad she played it, i needed that more than anything. it is helping me to let some of everything i’ve been feeling go, something i’ve desperately needed for months. it’s helping me process. her preforming that song broke me, but i can tell it’s helping me heal, and hopefully soon, i will finally be able to try and push forward with my life.
@taylorswift13, thank you for always saving me, and reminding me that everything will be okay. you’ve been my comfort person since i was five years old, you’re the one person i know i can count on. thank you for being the one person who will always be there for me, in some shape or form, exactly when i need it.
thank you for being you, thank you for your incredibly inspiring and live-changing music, thank you for your loving and warming presence, thank you for your contagious joy and happiness that can make me crack a smile even when i feel like i’m dying and the world is crumbling all around me, thank you for teaching me to be strong and resilient. taylor, thank you for always saving my live you mean everything to me🤍
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