Andrew Christopher Plock

me: look you're the fertility expert so just give it to me straight doc. doc:

Environmental regulation, bodily autonomy, separation of church & state: *exists* US Supreme Court:

Wow, thanks @McDonalds for reminding me my fries died in the line of duty.

“Is this your sign?”- Bill Engvall doing close up magic

@tyler_is_comedy "When the prodigal son returned, the father was filled with joy. His faithful son was enraged at this unconditional love for his estranged brother. The father, seeing this anger, said, 'be glad, for your brother was once lost, now found. And in the end it doesn't even matter."

In my 20s I violently rejected god and Linkin Park. In my 30s I’ve come to appreciate the comfort they provide and have accepted them back into my life in a healthy manner. This is what therapy can do for you.

I think I found the most psychotic account on TikTok

When your fuel savings are riding on this game.

You ever stop to think the biggest guy in the yard is just super bummed every new inmate immediately tries to start a fight during their first day in prison? The guy leads the book club and you want to slap the pudding cup out of his hand? Unreal.

@tyler_is_comedy Wait, why is The Hill reporting this? It's not like this is backchannel news in Congress.

This headline/photo combo is insane

an extremely gucci movie

Kelly Clarkson sings MCR's "Welcome to the Black Parade" once on her show and it's "brave." I go for a record seven-in-a-row run at karaoke and it's "sad and concerning"? You for real?

downtown dallas today:

@tyler_is_comedy Now there are ants marching...in his blood stream.

This is awful! My son, Bristol Gerund, lost the ability to enjoy Dave Matthews Band after getting the vaccine. Truly the devil’s serum.

@melanieshotz Whoa, PS4. Nice!

took this drunk pic and though “circles are a good look for me” Also a big ps4 brag!!!!

como ya dije, it’s #nationaltacoday. if u wanna celebrate w/ me raise your hand ✋ so i can put a free chicken or beef fajita taco in it 👀

@tonyaewalt Wow, can't believe I've dodged a bullet for the 32nd year in a row.

Can't believe I didn't get asked to join SNL for the 32nd year in a row.

@Bowling4day Dallas Creamer sounds like when you modify a latte with oat milk.

@AndrewPlock Especially Dallas Creamer.

This is why we should tax the rich.

@camgold Look, I don't want to speculate, but did being 5'7" save Hamilton's neck from VerTallen??

Sometimes I get sad that I'm not that tall. Especially when I think about how my boys will probably be my height or shorter. Then I see how most F1 drivers are sub 5'9" and feel like there's hope.

Also, @LewisHamilton has 6'1" energy and I would have thought he was at least close to that height.