Ari Mostow

Just discovered shirts and shoes. Absolute game changer. Getting so much service!

Everyone likes a reading a good book on a rainy day but what about a bad book on a sunny day?

Margo Robbie announced a Monopoly movie in the works. I can’t wait for its hit song, “I’m Just Thimble.”

Uh oh: the years of work I've spent resolving my trust issues in therapy have made me fall for your April Fools' prank!

to everyone I texted "love and care about you" this morning... APRIL FOOLS!!!

i wouln't have bothered applying on linkedin had i known it would just be a nepotism hire

Why do roosters crow but crows caw?

Here's a video of me telling jokes vimeo.com/911631070/1225…

Captain Kirk at a restaurant: “can I get a to-boldly-go box?”

I’m planning ahead for retirement. Day 1 I’m gonna go fishing. Day 2 maybe read a book.

MAGA hates Taylor Swift but the lyric “in my defense I have none” is often quoted in Trump’s legal proceedings.

My AT&T is so bad I can't even call AT&T to complain

The fee is worth the convenience

Frank Sinatra wrote the lyric ‘Each careful step along the byway’ and thought “what the hell can I rhyme with this??”

Who was the first human ever who thought of sitting on a horse? What a creep.

People are either “delighted” to inform me or they “regret” to inform me. There’s no in between.

I like drinking coffee out of other people’s souvenir mugs. For you it’s a special vacation memory, but for me it’s just a beverage container.

can't decide between going to grad school or learning the rules to settlers of catan

Pro tip: if you naturally smell like wood sage and sea salt, you can save a ton of money on cologne

@CensoredMen @DavidKimForCA @DavidKimForCA shame on you for sharing this Hamas propaganda. Read the accounts of the countless hostages who, once they were safely returned, described being subjected to beatings, solitary confinement in small cages, starvation, etc.

🇵🇸🇮🇱 Hamas release a video of today’s hostage handover. One hostage says: "People were very good. Very kind, to me. Food good and the kindness and everything good." Other hostages can be seen smiling and waving. One hostage says "Shukran" which means "Thanks" in English.

Where others see a scary Jack-o'-lantern, I see a wasted opportunity for what could have been a delicious pumpkin bisque