Bonanza

Finally some good news

Brooks goes 3-wood off the tee, then DRIVER OFF THE DECK for the bird. Hell yes.

@3YearLetterman Metric shitsem is an all timer

I had to put a male nurse in his place today for being disrespectful to both me and America For years I’ve avoided doing the annual physical mandated by my work through a combination of threats to sue them over HIPPA violation and/or to beat up my boss. Unfortunately, I was told I’d be fired if I didn’t get it done this week so today I went to a doctor’s office for a physical After refusing to disclose any allergies or other health conditions on HIPPA grounds, they took me back for vitals and for height and weight. The male nurse, Jeffrey (no surprise there), asked me to get on the scale. I did “You weigh 75 kilograms,” he said. “What the hell did you just say?” I asked him. “That you weigh 75 kilograms. And there’s really no need for you to talk to me that way, Mr. Letterman.” “Well excuse me, Lord Cornwallis,” I replied. “But we stopped using the metric shitsem in 1776. So give me my goddamn weight in American measurements.” “Sir you need to calm down,” he said. “I’ll show you how I calm down,” I replied. I then knocked him into the blood pressure machine with a devastating downfield block and strode out of the doctor’s office with a determined look on my face I received a standing ovation

@TheyAlreadyKnew Duke over Florida, OT winner.

Detroit for the 2027 NCAA Men’s Final Four. What’s your WAY TOO EARLY prediction?

@SickosOnIce New open tomb just dropped

happy easter or whatever

NYLANDER WHIIFS ON A BREAKAWAY THEN BYFIELD WINS IT FOR TWO HUGE POINTS!!! 🔥🚨

The Rangers have revealed a wearable nacho "Rally Sombrero" 😭 The food vessel contains chips, cheese, lettuce, jalapeños, pico de gallo and more (via @delawarenorth)

PLAYING OPENING DAY FOR @CleGuardians TODAY MAN WHAT?!??AM GRATEFUL 🙌🏽🙌🏽 CLEVELAND THIS IS FOR YOU!!!!!!! 😩😩

I just had a very disturbing Good Friday encounter with an ICE agent at the airport As I was going through security, an ICE agent asked me for my ID. I told him this isn’t Soviet Russia and that the only citizenship papers I planned to show him were the Declaration of Independence “Sir, I’m just asking for ID, not proof of citizenship,” he said. “Today is the anniversary of Jesus’s resurrection,” I replied. “He was an American. Would you have asked to see his papers too? Would the scars on his hands not have been enough for you?” He was stunned silent. I strode past him without showing my ID and went through the metal detector I received a standing ovation

close enough—welcome back, Pam Bondi

I like this kid.

Congrats on living a long time with zero SEC championships

MST NFLX and META are all more than 30% off their 52-week high

I went to a car dealership last week and the voice to text voicemails they are leaving me are...

Me summoning the strength of my ancestors to start bath/bed time.

never say yes to any stock image photo shooting

BREAKING: Just five minutes before Trump's announcement to halt the attacks on Iran, massive trades reportedly hit the market. In one move, $1.5 billion in S&P 500 (ES) futures was bought while $192 million in oil (CL) futures was sold. These orders were 4–6x larger than anything else at the time. The trader seemingly made huge gains. Unusual.

Just the beginning ⭐️ SEE YOU IN THE STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS!!!!

JOHNNY MAKES FRANCHISE HISTORY ⭐️