Alan Roberts

Weighted Blanket Sure To Succeed Where CBD, Salt Lamp, Oil Diffuser, Acupressure Mat, Bath Bombs, And White Noise Machine Failed bit.ly/3nWWcka

@MollyJongFast Someone send them "Four Hours at the Capitol" on DVD. (On second thought, VHS.)

@chrissteinplays That's just his family.

Curtis Sliwa getting 25% or whatever is still fcking crazy

If you want to avoid seeing your family this Thanksgiving, be sure to book a flight on American or Southwest.

@richardmarx Look at all the white people…

It doesn’t get more stunning in stupidity than this.

Jellyfish know what's up. apple.news/A9h8ULHxSR8Sv4…

@chrissteinplays The King of Manhattan Island

Waiting to hear about Pete Davidson and Melania

Hey ⁦@abcnews⁩, didn't know babies could be delivered that way. apple.news/Ap019llwSRpeFR…

On brand.

@SlackjawHumor @KellyAShanley ❤️

It's not overtly sexual, but she does wear shorts to flaunt her strong legs, indicating that she is a worthy breeding partner. (by @KellyAShanley) medium.com/slackjaw/david…

@GrammarGirl @Grammargirl I'm an excellent proofreader and copy editor. Let me know if I can ever be of service! (Love your site and posts.)

@missjuliebrown Safest place in the U.S., Julie! Just bring proof of vaccination and you're good to go! New York welcomes you!

Going to NY tomorrow-first trip since pandemic. Do I need a hazmat suit?

@Virtualhuman10 He's white, he's male, he's ugly.

@MysterySolvent Jockey. Not the brand, an actual jockey.

What kind of underwear does Chris Christie have on?

@NancySinatra And he never punched down.

I wish George could be here with us. 👇

@richardmarx Watch @HBO’s “Four Hours at the Capitol”

For every MAGA asshole traitor who says “it was a tourist visit,” watch this and then go fuck yourself.

Man Two Minutes Into Question With Still No Question in Sight: ow.ly/tZAT50GyR5w