Jacob Okello

Once upon a time, there was Telkom.

@WashiraX Well, eTIMS will be explained in a language they understand. In two weeks time.

Yesterday, KRA pitched tents in Eastleigh. To ease the tension, KRA kicked off the meeting on a high note. - KRA praised Eastleigh as the heart of trade in Kenya. - And noted that across the country, countless people source their goods from Eastleigh. Wariya nodded. And promised to take business even higher in the coming years. Then KRA began to shift gears. - Now we need visibility of your businesses. So we can support your growth even better. Wariya asked KRA: What do you mean? Our businesses are here for everyone to see. KRA responded: Well guys, we cannot see your sales. Wariya asked: How do you not see our sales. KRA responded: - Guys, you are not accepting till or Paybill payments. - Neither are you transmitting your sales through eTIMS. Wariya asked: What is that? KRA tried again: You are not giving your customers etr receipts. Wariya wakasema kuna language barrier. Hiyo maneno haieleweki. The meeting closed. - KRA gave Eastleigh traders 2 weeks to jump onto eTIMS. Failure to which, max penalties. - KRA also committed to deploy eTIMS savvy field officers to major Eastleigh malls. To educate & onboard them to eTIMS. • Do you support this move? • What challenges do you foresee? • And for those buying from Eastleigh, - How do you claim purchases without eTIMS receipts?

@KenyanSays Beef masala 10,000/- So cheap, because it is only KES 350/- No wonder Ugandans wamenona kama Ngoima.

A Kenyan man was shocked by a hotel menu in Uganda!

@_falsi1ke One Language to Rule Them All!

If Africa is to come together and use one language as an official language, which language will that be?

@ItsGregy_ @G4S GoneForSure! Don't be surprised wakikupigia uongezee pesa kidogo wakufikishie burungo zako. Conmen hao.

How unreliable is @G4s Courier Services? I sent my mom some electronics on Tuesday. They told me she'll receive them the following morning. Leo ni Friday na bado hajafikishiwa, calling them wananiambia gari hazina mafuta, how's that my problem 😭💔 Heri ningetuma Na Mbukinya

@histortwistory @SamaHoole That Emperor was just melodramatic. How would he be affected by a poultry farmer who ate his own chicken?

Back in AD 675, Emperor Tenmu laid down the law. He officially banned eating mammals. Cows, horses, dogs, monkeys, and even chickens were suddenly off the menu because Buddhist and Shinto beliefs heavily influenced his court. This rule stuck. It held strong for over 1,200 years. People only dropped the habit when the Meiji Restoration finally rolled around in the late 19th century. Chowing down on a four-legged animal became a filthy taboo. Absolute social suicide. Samurai strictly survived on rice, vegetables, soy, and fish. If an Edo-period samurai actually got caught sneaking a single bite of beef? His clan would instantly cast him out as a total pariah.

Slaves in Rome ate bread, olives, and porridge. The Roman nobility ate meat. Egyptian labourers built the pyramids on bread, onions, and beer. The pharaoh ate meat. Aztec peasants ate maize and beans. The Aztec nobility ate meat. Chinese peasants ate rice and greens. The Chinese nobility ate meat. Indian lower castes ate rice, lentils, and flatbread. The Mughal court ate meat. Feudal Japanese peasants ate rice and pickles. The samurai ate fish and meat. Native American farmers ate corn and squash. The warrior cultures ate bison. Medieval European serfs ate pottage and black bread. The lords ate venison and swan. Tudor commoners ate bread cut with chalk. The court of Henry VIII consumed thousands of cattle a year. Victorian working class ate bread, tea, and whatever was left. The Victorian aristocracy ate beef, game, and butter. Every civilisation. Every century. Every continent. The poor ate the plants. The rich ate the animals. Then in 1977, a committee of American senators told the world that the peasant diet was the healthy one all along. No civilisation in human history had figured this out. Until then. Apparently.

Dear @Safaricom_Care I have uninstalled this Your OneApp. Why? 1. Can't force me to change my SIM 1 to Safaricom 2. Can't force me to use Safaricom data to send money 3. App freezes and network disappears when doing transactions.

@Makiadi_ Either umetumwa ufanye gig ama unaeza okolea jamii coz you know a lot.

In major hospitals hapa Kenya, kuna some experienced “smugglers” with many years under their belt and vast connections. Huwa wanaitwa specifically bill ikishinda patient who is admitted and the family is willing to “talk.” Usually, they meet relatives and well-wishers kwa restaurant just outside but near the vicinity. He first asks for the original bill, then scans it slowly while shaking his head in sadness, occasionally glancing at his “clients” as they sip tea nervously. Then he says, “Hii mkilipa yote, si mtauza shamba zote mkuwe squatters?” No one responds before the chairman leading the “congregation” says in low tones, “Tulitumwa kwako. Ona venye utatusaidia my brother, unajua hali ya uchumi.” He takes out his phone and goes straight to the calculator. Usually, from the total bill, the standard payment is one-third. But when he uses his “third eye” and “smells” weak family ties, there’s a small discount huwa mnapewa. After reaching an agreement, they huddle together with his clients, and he clarifies that the entire operation is based on trust and strictly cash-only. Once the “transfer fees” are finalized, he tells them that the moment they receive his call, waanze kuwasha engine of their Toyota Noah, ready to receive their loved one. Halafu mnapewa warning, relatives with weak hearts wasishtuke when they see the patient—who had fully recovered—being wheeled into the parking lot in a wheelchair, kama amefunikwa na a blue sheet from miguu all the way to the head. The smuggler is connected to everyone—from gate watchmen, nurses, doctors, and accountants—in short, everyone eats. The patient is also briefed: if they see someone enter the ward wearing a cap that has “sealed” everything leaving the eyes only and pushing a wheelchair, afuate venye anaambiwa, na aache maswali mingi. After going to the hospital together and instructing them to wait for him in the parking lot, he returns a few hours later as promised, wheeling in the patient, who is covered from head to toe. If the family is heading to North Rift, he even gets into the car na anakaa hapo mbele and escorts them up to Kangemi before returning by matatu. In his own words, before the relatives thank him profusely, “Hapendi kucheza na kazi yake.” As he gets out, he reminds them once more, “Mmeona venye tunacheza? Msisahau kuniletea wateja!”

@ladyhuneybee Libations for the ancestors! 😂

Africans are very special individuals I tell you 🤣🤣🤣

@Bossyator Looks like Dracula's Castle in Transylvania.

The owner says he's been struggling to get a buyer for this unit in Kitengela.

@WashiraX MPigs will always amend laws to suit their greed and protect themselves. When passing such kind of laws they temporarily forget about TuTam or WanTam!

KRA is not playing with MPs. In 2022, each MP was given 7.5M to buy a car. - Use it for work and, - After the term, keep it or sell it. In 2023, KRA caught wind of it. And quickly fired a tax demand to Parliament of Ksh 1B. KRA argued: - Car grants are gains from employment - If MPs were not in office, they wouldn’t get them - Ordinary citizens do not get car grants - If MPs can keep or sell the cars at will, that is a direct gain - It must be taxed under PAYE. Parliament pushed back that: - Car grants are reimbursements for work transport. - MPs are not employees - So this is not taxable income When KRA persisted, the parliament ran to court. - The tribunal agreed with KRA arguments and demand 100%. Parliament saw danger. In December 2024, MPs enacted the tax law amendment bill. They quickly changed the income tax law to read. - MPs car grants are not taxable - Even if the MP owns the asset And they backdated it to apply from 2022. KRA still wanted their money. Parliament ran to high court. Arguing, - How can KRA tax something we have already declared non taxable retrospectively? In 2026, High court sided with KRA demand of 1B. Now the matter heads to the Court of Appeal. What do you think: - Are MPs employees? - Should their car grants be taxed?

@cbs_ke Kuku inahubiri kwa umbaaaali lakini bado cookable! 🤣 Hapo ni typhoid unarisk sasa.

Mkiwacha maringo tu kidogo Rongai based Chef Kanono angeukwa brand ambassador wenu....

@DrJuma_M Leo anafry miguu za baboon garnished with weed!

It Seems today Omwami Has now Decided Tunanona Kama Ngoima,Acha Afunike Inyonye Maji Nanii 💀🤲😂

@AlfinCodes Blue Screen of Death.

Biggest fear of Windows users How many times did this happen to you?

@vibeonX69 If you know all these four then you are not a beginner!

Hey linux user, which distro would you recommend first for beginners?

@Eddie_Mugoh @C_NyaKundiH Hapo ndio shida iko. System ya Majambazi.

@C_NyaKundiH Lakini wanaweza kuwa wamesema ni 500M but walipata 10 billion 😂

Ksh 500 Million was recovered from the houses of Petroleum PS Mohamed Liban, EPRA boss Daniel Kiptoo, KPC MD Joe Sang, and official Simon Wafula.

@onjolo_kenya I agree with Wanjiku

Wanjiku says that Kibra slum should be fully demolished to pave way for modern apartments. She congratulates whoever demolished Gikomba market. She also calls upon authorities to look into the issue of vibanda along the roads and within estates which block road users. Wanjiku advises that if the slums are completely eliminated in Nairobi, security will improve. Most robbers live in those cheap houses. She concludes that it's not a must for people to live in Nairobi. Some have even left land in the village to come and suffer in Nairobi.

@Maryian96 Mtu hawezi skiza ngoma zake akifanya kazi?

Kwani our puresidentiiii is not hearing naturally 🫢 ama what is the work of the object in his ears? salalaleee!!! As in ni nini hiyo?

@mcpipita Mkiacha maringo mtanona na kuku imefaint!

Kuku imefaint😅😅Rongai PR has been finished by this man. Stop him

@ivymuthe Jamaa, unaishi Menengai Crater pahali kuna Sunlight? Utakuwa Msafi ukiwa na Ushindi na hautahitaji White Wash tena!

Which one is your favorite?