Jared Thompson

@maniere_usa @MattPierce @GovHolcomb @CNN @MSNBC #myvoiceholdspower

I just farted at a urinal and a man, in sandals, shitting in a comedy club stall next to me said “Gross.” I’m back, y’all!

Is there anything more confusing that people with “heart failure” can just, like, live?

I’m rooting for whichever team had less fans in the capitol building on Wednesday, @AndyKindler. It’s honestly a coin flip. #OSUvsBAMA

I’m watching the game. Who am I? Andy Kindler. THE Ohio State! That last sentence is a lie.

Elvis Hussein Presley

What are they going to do with the 1/10th of 1 mile of Border Wall™️ that Donald J Trump built with his BARE LIL’ HANDS?

@emilwakim Again, MY aesthetic. You have everything else.

@ImMitchellPotts I liked it but this is my lane.

It’s crazy that people can just like see where you live

Stephen Harvey

It would be totally reasonable to sentence any undecided voter to the death penalty.

Vincent Diesel

@TomAThakkar @ImMitchellPotts @emilwakim Well Tom the @DalaiLama would disagree.

@JPPrice @Jon_Blau Keglar?

Could be the last chance to watch #iubb for a while ... or the second step for Cinderella.

How are people who “can’t handle Facebook” doing during this?

@emilwakim 👉🏻

@MikeMillerSTL This is your fault!

Related: This Notre Dame team is terrrrrrrrrrrrrrrible. Woof.

This is the correct take.

@TomAThakkar This the timeframe of me at my absolute 100% rock bottom worst. It’s scary to even think about.

@emilwakim 😢

@emilwakim HEY!