Malcolm Freberg

hey remember when we millennials were young and all laughed at billy madison because he couldn’t write a cursive ‘z’? try it right now, without googling. enjoy your forthcoming crisis.

im sorry i missed our call, i was in the shower rehearsing every possible variation of that call under my breath

Maybe you got your mother a nice card and a bouquet of flowers for #MothersDay But did you trick your fellow castaways into naming the tribe after your mom? #Survivor @MalcolmWHW

@jsvaldez @jessicalewis89 @JeffProbst —apologies, stranger, for hijacking your tweet

but I’d submit that probst and co. love #Survivor, more than even we all do, and they’re doing whatever possible to keep winning the checks from people who think “Yul” is a social media startup, to keep it going. for us. /end /alsoineedanapnow

…don’t get me wrong, one more time for those in the back, i hate all the sloppy game-ruining clutter as much as *checks notes* literally every person on Earth. and I’ve got no evidence or info that backs up the theory I just rambled on…

it’s not probst’s fault. *cracks knuckles, stretches neck in prep for an early morning, wildly speculative #Survivor hot take* the issue is that a $20mil check has to be written each season…. 1/infinity

#Survivor ok, compromise: castaways are given options, vote and select which twists and advantages are in play for their season. after they meet probst, before they leave for beaches idk how that’d work but it’s gotta be better than *gestures at the ashes of my former passion*

my dudes, am more than familiar with premerge woes. we can start a support group. ill bring snacks. we can share our feelings and awkward hanover stories and blame probst for everything. there will be pong but with age-appropriate pours. @claire_rafson @helnli

@GordonHolmes you’ll always be my first love

@MalcolmWHW I’ve never been so jealous in my entire life.

minor life update. just ignore whatever my hair is doing.