Mark Reddoch

Former Alabama running back Trent Richardson weighed in on Nick Saban’s stance against paying players. “Honestly, I don’t get why he’s even commenting on it, they gave me and my family $75,000 just to commit, plus $10,000 a month to stay at Alabama.”

He just registered to vote in Minnesota

DEMOCRATS: We need a woman President ALSO DEMOCRATS: Women can't get an ID ALSO DEMOCRATS: What is a woman?

Guess who STOPPED SMOKING today? The Ayatollah

These virtual doctor appointments are horrible! I just had to check my own prostate and now I can't find my phone!

Mr President, I’m hearing rumors that the IRS is days away from having nuclear weapons. I trust you will do the right thing.

My wife asked, “Have you seen the dog bowl?” I said, “Didn’t know he could”

AOC did not make it to the state of the union. Apparently she thought it was below the equator.

President Trump “can’t believe it” as Elizabeth Warren STANDS UP for his plan to stop insider trading in Congress. “They stood up for that. I can’t believe it.” "Did Nancy Pelosi stand up if she’s here? Doubt it.” 🤣

Zohran Mamdani requiring 2 forms of ID to help shovel snow in NYC shall henceforth be known as: JIM SNOW 2.0 Thank you for your attention to this matter.

BREAKING - Zohran Mamdani is now begging New Yorkers to sign up to shovel snow ahead of tomorrow’s blizzard, following his disastrous response to the last blizzard, which left nine- and ten-foot piles of ice blocking roads for weeks. Oh, and you need to bring ID to sign up.

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “If I show you a wild trick, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender shrugs, “Sure, why not?” The guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out… a tiny rat 🐀. Then out of the other pocket, he pulls a teeny-tiny piano 🎹. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and starts playing the blues like a rodent Ray Charles. 🎶 Stunned, the bartender pours him a free drink 🍺. After finishing it, the guy says, “Now, if I show you an even better trick, do I drink free all night?” “Buddy, if you can top that, you’re drinking on me till closing,” the bartender replies. The man pulls the rat and piano out again, and this time reaches into his coat and pulls out… a small bullfrog 🐸. The frog clears his throat and starts belting out soulful blues lyrics. The rat’s playing, the frog’s singing — the bar is dead silent in awe. Suddenly, a man rushes up and says, “I’ll give you $10,000 for that frog!” The guy says, “Nope, not for sale.” “$25,000!” “Nope.” “$50,000! Cash!” “Deal.” 💵 The bartender’s jaw drops. “Are you CRAZY? That frog was a gold mine! Why’d you sell him?” The man smirks and says, “Relax. The frog can’t sing... the rat’s a ventriloquist.” 😎🎤🐀

HOA sent this homeowner a letter saying that they need to have a fence blocking their trash cans from view. So the owner fixed it and included a message for HOA Karen! 😂😂😂

Yep

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, “What was Jesus’ mother’s name?” One child answered, “Mary.” The teacher then asked, “Who knows what Jesus’ father’s name was?” A little kid said, “Verge.” Confused, the teacher asked, “Where did you get that?” The kid said, “Well, you know how they’re always talking about Verge ‘n’ Mary.”

RIP to my favorite Presidents Day fun fact. John Tyler, our 10th president, had a grandson alive until last May. John had a son while in his 60s. That son had a kid while in his 70s. And that kid, Harrison Tyler, passed away last year at age 96. So… New fun fact: John was born during Washington administration. So 3 generations of Tylers span EVERY PRESIDENCY IN AMERICAN HISTORY.

My wife and I got into an argument last night, I tried talking over her yelling RECLAIMIMG MY TIME RECLAIMING MY TIME That’s how Congress does it, right? To the married guys reading this, I don’t recommend that approach.