Ryan Firster

I used to be slowly dying under fluorescent lights and a computer screen. Now I am thriving, blooming big under grow lights.

Venmo told me that based on my account history I could apply for a credit card. Great to know my illicit drug purchases are going on my credit these days.

If I had a submarine, I’d call it Das Zoot.

The YouTube captions just referred to @watcherdev as Dean Hand Bram Toast Us. That’s his name from Now on.

So if Mauga doesn’t have a “You’re welcome.” voice line, I will have lost what little faith I have left in humanity. Please @PlayOverwatch.

He preaches the truth. @stavvybaby is right, the Zero Sugar @AWRootBeer is awesome.

I don’t smoke because my daddy was a smoker and I reckon if he couldn’t find the damn things after all those years, I don’t stand much of a chance either.

Who among us has ever truly had @hotpockets come out like this inside? I'm hurt they'd pass this off as advertising. :'(

Inside the mind of a criminal. @PAYDAYGame

TV IS DEAD LONG LIVE THE INTERNET

@EFFYlives Had that hairstyle for a minute when I was younger, too. Feel like it looks like the Lego hair.

well it’s been a long time

I don’t really use this anyway. But I reckon if they start charging, I’ll just mosey.

@OGXanos I stopped trying to look cool a long time ago. This may interfere with my aesthetic, but what the hell.

@MileHighFirster we could be matchy.

@SlimJim Fair.

im banning the word “ok” never ever reply to my posts with that word

@BlackDeathCas @Circle6_co @slingshothouse @newfearcityNFC Hell yeah, brother!

Thank you all for the birthday wishes, this year has been a real struggle. Between my worst suffering I’m somehow finding my most success My mom would look at my scars and I’d promise her it would all pay off. Casanova is coming to Japan🇯🇵 Bet on yourself and you can’t lose♠️🖤

@Shazza_McKenzie Can we add caramel apple empanadas?

Petition for Taco Bell to bring back nacho fries 😤

Just had two @Jolly_Rancher’s in a row that had no flavoring on them, only the taste of sugar and sadness. This is an omen.

@scottjohnson Agreed.

Hot take: The newer KIA logo sucks. (on the right)

@askparamount sent a dm, any way I can get assistance, please?

@EFFYlives Moustache ride temporarily out of service.

who?