Moose Problems

@Armadillo_Dave I know Armadillo Dave. And you, sir, are no Armadillo Dave.

Do you mind if I take my wrankled moose penis out?

One thing I will never do: eat food that has grazed another creature’s neck

If Lady Gaga actually defends the Bill of Meese, I will finally forgive the great Elk invasion of 1542. Maybe

The plot is always thicker than you think. Just like my wife Moosalina's beet stew #mooseproblems

My biography finally came out! #mud

A moose and a goose on the loose met a truce, under a spruce, then they fucked

When's Halloween again? I'm ready to chomp some goddamn 3 Moosketeers

Moose edit: You're life flashes before your eyes when you die - should be - your life flashes before your eyes, and then you die

What's up with moose tinder tonight? I'm seeing antlers every third swipe #mooseproblems

You can lead a horse to water, but I would prefer if you kept him away from my above-ground-pool

@meettheocean I moose say your account is quite amoosing. #iLichenitalot

Paul sees me, calls over Doug, who tells tourists my necklace is a tracking collar. Doug must be from the #lower48

If you give a moose a cookie, you also give him gas #mooseproblems

Horse racing is great and all, but moose racing would be far more fun to watch. The jockey's could ride on my antlers. #KentuckyDerby

Favorite if you like plump butts. Retweet if you like nicely shaped hooves. #MooseDebate2016

You know those trees that smell like semen? It's not the trees. #moosexparty #moorgy

Oooh, it's just me, mooself, and I, Solo hide until I die, Cause I, got flees for life. #memyself&I

@woofwasher360 could you tell me the specs on your product? I have a 108 inch waist.

Anyone know a good antler augmentation surgeon? #askingforafriend