Peanut Butter Santa

My storage room! Aside from luggage filled with stolen dvds, packaged needles, and bags of clothes, someone left a star trek pizza cutter and millennium falcon toy. And lots of peanut butter jars. I thank Peanut Butter Santa for his gifts and hope he doesn't murder me.

Peanut Butter Santa tried coming for me, but he got caught! Merry fucking Christmas now, Jiffy Claus!

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 23 days. Thank you for your generosity. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 22 days. I noticed the door had been unlocked so I checked it last night, but Peanut Butter Santa did not leave any new gifts, sadly. Thank you for your generosity. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 21 days. Thank you for your generosity. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 20 days. The storage room door looks like it was used recently, so I'll check to see what's in there soon! More gifts? Peanut butter? Needles? Thank you for your generosity. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 19 days. Thank you for your generosity. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 18 days. Thank you for your generosity. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 17 days. Thank you for your generosity. Please don't murder me.

Thank you for the outpouring of concern over yesterday's missed tweet. I did survive the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 16 days. It was a simple lapse. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 15 days. Thank you for your generosity. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 14 days. Thank you for your generosity. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 13 days. Thank you for the gifts of half-used respiratory/urinary tract infection pills and skin fungus cream. I hope your issues have cleared up. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 12 days. Thank you for your generosity. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 11 days. Thank you for your generosity. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 10 days. Thank you for the Fallout power armor toy in a destroyed box that is hopefully free of drug paraphernalia. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 9 days. Thank you for your generosity. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 8 days. Thank you for your generosity. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 7 days. Thank you for the collection of stolen still in plastic X-Wing game pieces. May the Force be with you. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 6 days. Thank you for your generosity and may your jar never fall below half full of creamy peanut butter. Please don't murder me.

I have survived the wrath of Peanut Butter Santa for 5 days. Thank you for the collection of destroyed cell phones. Please don't murder me.