Patrick Bateman

Das wird meine neue Twitter-Bio.

@chesscom 1... f6

1. 🐴f3

Seth Rogen

Which one?

Chloe woke up at 6:45am and immediately felt proud of herself. She had, after all, not eaten a single animal product in four years. The planet was healing. She could feel it. 6:52am - Applied her morning SPF. The SPF contains beeswax. Chloe does not know this. Moving on. 7:10am - Breakfast: a smoothie containing avocado. The avocado was grown in Michoacán, Mexico, on land where a pine forest was until 2019. It required approximately 320 litres of water to produce. It was flown to the UK. Chloe sprinkled hemp seeds on top. The hemp seeds came from China. Chloe felt connected to the earth. 8:00am - Got dressed. Polyester leggings, derived from crude oil. A bamboo top that was processed using carbon disulphide in a Taiwanese chemical plant. Trainers with a recycled plastic upper that sheds microplastics into waterways with every wash. Chloe's outfit today had a higher carbon footprint than a ribeye steak. Chloe does not know this either. 9:30am - Posted on Instagram about choosing compassion. The phone was manufactured in a Shenzhen factory using cobalt from the DRC, where mining operations have displaced local communities and killed an unknowable number of small mammals, reptiles, and insects. The algorithm served Chloe an ad for oat milk. Chloe liked it. 12:00pm - Lunch: tofu stir-fry. The soy was grown in Brazil. Brazil produces more soy than almost any country on earth. The primary reason is soybean oil: one of the most widely used industrial and culinary oils on the planet. The soymeal left over after oil extraction is fed to livestock as a byproduct. Chloe is aware of the livestock connection and finds it outrageous. She has not looked into why the soy was grown in the first place. The answer is the oil. The oil is in her salad dressing. 1:30pm - Drove to the garden centre. The car runs on petrol. Chloe has a Just Stop Oil sticker on the bumper. This is not being commented on further. 3:00pm - Bought a monstera. The monstera was grown in a Dutch greenhouse using natural gas heating. Chloe put it next to the pothos that is slowly poisoning the neighbourhood cats. 6:00pm - Dinner: pasta with cashew cream sauce. The cashews were processed in Vietnam, often by workers in conditions that would prompt significant commentary if they were in an abattoir. 8:00pm - Watched a documentary about factory farming. Wept. Posted about it. Caption: "We have to do better." Chloe is, by every measure she has chosen to measure by, doing brilliantly. By some of the others, the picture is more complicated. Chloe has not chosen to measure by those.

Obwohl Professor Snape nur 13% der Unterrichtsstunden hielt, war er trotzdem für 52% der unverzeihlichen Flüche verantwortlich.

Guten Morgen, meine Nachbarn! #ManulerMittwoch

@die_mediatheke @RolandTichy Und Colleen Fernandes, Schiffsärztin auf dem Traumschiff, nun auch nicht.

@RolandTichy Christian Ulmen, der unter anderem auch Tatort Kommissar war, ist nun wirklich kein C-Promi

Ich habe vor 3 Tagen zum ersten Mal die Namen Ulmen und Fernandes gehört, und jetzt sollen sie Deutschland verändern? Zwei fragwürdige C-Promis, eine Bettgeschichte und Ehedrama von Interesse für die BUNTE. Aber wenn man genau hinschaut: Es geht um viel mehr. Um nicht weniger als Meinungsfreiheit. Lesen Sie mal nach. tichyseinblick.de/feuilleton/glo…

Tragic that this man lived 1500 years before the invention of the Harley-Davidson

@Mussolilyfail CHONK!

@PatrickHBateman Aber Teilzeit!!! Also so ein bisschen schon!

Gm. Ich hätte gerne wieder eine Katze 🥲

Stell dir vor du bist Normie und das sind die beiden gesellschaftlich akzeptierten Positionen

lmao

"Runter von meim Grundstück!"