SnackyTuna

Imagine having a piece of shit dad growing up and the only game of yours he showed up to is the one where Airbud put up 32 against you

@LeBatardShow no Simon & Simon on anybody’s TV theme show list that’s blasphemy

My last 2 brain cells telling me to say “thanks, you too” when the waitress says “enjoy your meal”

The 2 mice in my kitchen watching their drunken god stumbling around spilling shredded all over the place

Me smoking weed in my living room after texting my boss that “I’m too sick” to come in to work today

My wife: “don’t get drunk and start karaoke at my work Christmas party again” Me at the party:

Gettin lifted off that…

Smokin’ on that…

When your friends find you taking pics for your Tinder profile

Me about to tell my brother that mom said it’s my turn to play Xbox

Me 2 minutes after saying “I don’t think these edibles are working”

When you let a fart out on the way to your room but the elevator stops on the floor before yours

Me trying to decipher why my wife is mad at me today

How that pile of laundry looks once I turn off the lights and get in bed

I think we should all take a few moments to pause and think about what almost was…

Me drunk in Walmart back in 1998 when they sold fish in that mf…remember that shit?

When you’re shitting in a 1 toilet public restroom and someone starts rattling the door

Me: *actually leaves for work on time* The highway:

When somebody is doing the speed limit in the fast lane and you’re running 15 minutes late and on the verge of shitting yourself

My last 2 brain cells watching me click next on page 449 of 2560 on PornHub