Steven's Colon

@Xplornet: always striving to ensure that it remains slower than 99% of Canada and maintaining the lowest possible rating it can manage, with the ironclad guarantee that every single customer will switch to any other provider the second they don't have a monopoly. But until then:

It took me over ten minutes just to load the page to complete a #Speedtest. Welcome to the wonderful world of @Xplornet "high-speed" Internet, the only ISP that struggles to consistently handle Google searches, nevertheless complete something worthwhile! speedtest.net/result/7505693…

I don't like to think that @Xplornet's service is high-speed Internet; it's easier for me to believe that @Xplornet's real purpose is to make me truly appreciate how good I had it on dial-up, and question why I pay more for their "service". speedtest.net/result/7452789… #speedtest

@Xplornet needs its customers to realise that they share connections with everyone else when connected to the same wireless tower. So if your connection is slow, you should try an off hour like 5 AM on a Saturday! speedtest.net/result/7341736… What we really mean is go **** yourself.

Here's what @Xplornet can do for you: we'll go somewhere where we can have a monopoly and provide a stellar service, and then over time we'll allow it to become so awful that you might as well not have a connection at all. 7.5 kb/s: @Speedtest speedtest.net/result/7148453… #speedtest

When @Xplornet just wants you to give up. Notice the ping: I didn't artificially lower the number with an extraneous download. Download of 23 kb/s -- and this isn't dial-up, it's simply @Xplornet "High Speed™" Internet! @Speedtest speedtest.net/result/7122629… #speedtest

Connection unusable midday on a Thursday with perfect weather? That's the kind of quality you can only expect from @Xplornet! Slower than 97% of Canada on @Speedtest? Quality! Want to use anything other than Google? Xplornet wants you to go to hell! speedtest.net/result/7122241…

@Xplornet once again begging the question: is it really "high-speed" if it's slower than dial-up? I need dial-up back so I can use @YouTube.

Might be time to hang up my old @Razer Kraken. Nearly four years old and literally been around the world, but the audio's still perfect.

And let me confirm @Xplornet's difference between bits and bytes: speedtest.net/my-result/5681… Download rate is literally 32.5 kilobytes a second

If you need high-speed Internet that is worse than dial-up, look no further than @Xplornet! speedtest.net/my-result/5681… @Ookla #speedtest

5 AM when no one in my area is on for my @Ookla Speedtest; @Xplornet still can't put up usable bandwidth! speedtest.net/my-result/5334… #speedtest

Tried another @Ookla Speedtest to show off how amazing @Xplornet "high speed" is, but it died around here! Amazing!

Check out my @Ookla Speedtest! I love it when my @Xplornet "high-speed internet" can't beat dial-up! speedtest.net/my-result/5325… #speedtest

@MacRHunter I'm just jazzed about being on the show, man.

@sllowlly @Totalbiscuit Hearthstone streamers aren't using a delay because they enjoy communicating with their audience. Pretty obvious.

@day9tv Definitely read "feces" rather than "faces" and I was thinking, those cats ARE awesome.

@CallMeTasteless Fuckin' magnets, how do they work?! And I don't wanna ask a scientist, all them mother fuckers lyin' and gettin' me pissed.

@Khaldor Red switches are wonderful when you like the feel of Blacks but hate the much higher resistance. Great for FPS, I've found.

@GOMTV Dream Theater before HuK versus Hack. Stay classy, GSL.