Whole Man Disposal Services

🎙This is dispatch. This is our biggest yeet yet. Covfefe supertanker 1631 en route to collect one (1) Unpresidented Trump. We're yeeting him through a cloud of bigly murder hornets, deep into the heart of the Orange Nebula. Warp pre-authorized. ETA 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

🎙This is dispatch. Paging Whole Ghost Disposal Service.

🎙This is dispatch. Irregular reminder that you can listen to that song you love ✨as many times as you like✨. For the rest of your life. Do it. 💕

@AITA_online 🎙This is dispatch. Because some of us are Twitter accounts masquerading as real humans and we don't exist anywhere else?

Existential crisis...

@jurijuri @AITA_online Yeet as you would be yeeted.

AITA for walking out of a restaurant because my girlfriend ordered spaghetti? bit.ly/3wZcQ8I

@AITA_online 🎙This is dispatch, We have no pictures, but we do have much love. Thank you for giving a wonderful animal a loving home. Yeeting trebuchets at half mast for the best of dogs. 💕

Off topic: I'm saying goodbye to my almost 14 year old, occasional-toilet-paper-eating dog today. Please send pet pictures. Boxer dogs especially appreciated.

🎙This is dispatch. Irregular reminder that your work doesn't love you back. If you fall, it won't pick you up. If you get sick, it won't bring a meal. If you lose a loved one, it won't hold you. Don't glorify working to the point of exhausted misery. You get this one life. 💕

@cpoliticditto 🎙This is dispatch. Reporting for duty.

For science.

🎙This is dispatch. Do you need help with supplies of men to yeet tho.

🎙This is dispatch. 😍 That is all.

🎙This is dispatch. Irregular reminder that you don't have to suffer or break before you're allowed to take care of yourself. Hide a little gift or schedule something nice for Future You, just like you would for someone you love. Because you should be someone you love.

YEET

YEE-to-the-fucking-EEEET oh my god

@I_Am_The_Storm_ @TammyJaneen @Crackmacs 🎙This is dispatch. 😘

what's an account that no longer uses Twitter that you hope comes back some day?

YEET

YEET

@edyong209 🎙This is dispatch. Request denied. Continue the invaluable work of raising awareness about people who are immunocompromised and their experiences of covid.

I just... My view on the daylight-savings-time debate is that I don't care when the sun rises or sets as long as I can be yeeted into it.

The govt and its advisors have spent months assuring people that "we have the tools". Maybe I should write an explainer about what the words "we" and "have" mean. twitter.com/ddiamond/statu…

@eviljobob We thought our work was done with Trump. Every time you think you've disposed of the worst whole man, the universe comes along and makes another one that's even worse.

🎙This is dispatch. Go fuck yourself, Putin. Deploying EVERYTHING.