Shit Arts Administrators Say

Sorry to bother you on a Sunday but I’m working on something and I have a question so therefore you should also be working on this same thing.

We’re looking forward to adding 2 new concert series, 4 new community initiatives, 2 new education programs, and 1 additional fundraising event this season. No, we’re not hiring additional staff.

We know that the salary for the position is borderline insulting and the benefits package is practically nonexistent, but, if they really wanted to work here, they should be fine with it.

Every arts admin (via @EffinBirds)

Our employee appreciation strategy is to treat people poorly and, when they resign, act surprised and throw them a goodbye party.

Arts admins when the execs think processes and procedures are the answer to dysfunction.

We want to make it appear that we care about underrepresented and historically excluded communities even though we really only care about rich white people. Let’s plan an event in Black History Month, Hispanic Heritage Month, etc. That should be sufficient.

As a highly collaborative team, we prefer email over software that is specifically designed to facilitate collaboration.

As a highly collaborative team, we make sure to “reply all” on every group email so that the thread is as long as possible and ultimately unintelligible.

As a highly collaborative team, please make sure to cc people unnecessarily on emails so that they can “be in the loop” even though their inbox is already a deluge.

As a highly collaborative team, everyone is expected to be at their desk during business hours to answer emails and attend meetings and then be at their computer in the evening and on weekends to do their actual work.

Staff members should speak only about things directly related to their job title. No other brain cells are welcome.

Respected Credible Data Research Firm: Here is data showing older audiences participate in and value digital programming. Org: Our people don’t go on the internet.

ED: I stopped by your office and you weren’t there at that exact moment so I’m going to send you text chastising you for not being glued to your seat. Also, here are the details a non-urgent issue that could not wait until you returned from the restroom.

Rather than providing support to employees when times are tough, we’re going to test them and see how much sh*t they’re willing to take. They need to prove their loyalty.

There was a typo in last week’s email newsletter. Patron: Im going to send an email about it to the ED, Board President, plus every Director at the organization.

Let’s have a preliminary meeting about meetings then have an all staff meeting to present the meetings then a follow-up meeting about the content of the meetings.

Is this f**king play about us?

ED: Our entire team must be committed to being open, transparent, and inclusive in our planning process. Also ED: Lets have a small group meeting where we’ll plan everything and then have another meeting with the entire team where we’ll tell them what has been planned.

Let’s celebrate Black History Month by posting on social media that we’re celebrating Black History Month.