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a poem for when my cat sleeps in my bed: Little baby in my bed, he has got a tiny head. Always good and never bad, he has never met his dad.

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nobody is ever interested in who begot me and who begot them

if i ever done a shit that looked like the one from the emoji i would kill myself

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you guys, i would HATE it if my house caught fire

i used to have action figures of all of the alcoholics who lived on my street

knuckle tattoos that say linda mccartney

just discovered that darkness will prevail.... yikes.....

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in my degree they actually taught me how to make christmas gay and woke.

she's taking the halberds in the divorce 😞

jim henson has been brought back from the dead and he thirsts for muppet sweat

purchasing a Lenovo Fuck Station at the Argos Black Friday deals event

I've published a few novels under the pen name Joanne Kathleen Rowling

people are loving the compilations of all the homoerotic taggart moments I've been uploading to youtube shorts

someone should make a movie about all the stuff that happened in 2015

starting a bits only chipshop called chips4chaps. I'll probably be sent to jail by woke for it so you best come quick

LGBT: Lidl, Greggs, B&M, TK Maxx