claire bonzillion

The New York Times? Oh you mean where I play my games?

Why does it seem like every dentist chair faces away from the door. Why am I staring at a wall right now dog. Why do all of our interactions require you sneaking up on me

@hankgreen Sam: "But they kinda do, cause they're like 'all of our other babies aren't as cool as this one BIG baby.'"

@hankgreen too late but i'll tell you anyway. a series of quotes from Metamorphosis: Sam: "So they get a big ol' grub, and they're like 'this is our big baby now. We love our big baby.'" Ceri: "They don't wanna discriminate, it's just a chunky boy!" (1/2)

Any SciShow Tangents fans have any favorite Ceri Riley or Sam Schultz quotes? I'm working on a thing...

You’re in her DMs. I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her, whooaaa oh oh

God forbid mommy goes into the gas station for a sour worm..

@hankgreen "the brave little mouse chef, Ratatouille" - Sam, Smell

@hankgreen "I got a real big wife, she can pick me up and put me on her shoulders and she just walks me. She takes me for a hike and then i buy her a sandwich." - Sam, Ants

My favorite lunch is taking the meat off of a rotisserie chicken “for later” but also just giving myself little surprise treats the whole time.

Clancy is totally fine/ has learned nothing/ would 100 per cent do it all again tonight.

My dog got into with a porcupine the other night and the vet let me keep the quills, so I used some of them to make a commemorative collar.

I just asked Orin how he remembers his multiplication tables and he said “I just teleport to my secret base and it’s written on the wall” 🥹🤪

I hold the apparently outrageous position that the people making decision about the healthcare of a child should include: * The kid * Their parents / guardians * Their doctor And should not include: * Me

those 5 minutes when a man is shaving and all that’s left is the mustache and he’s walking around saying “maybe i’ll keep it” are the most terrifying 5 minutes of a woman’s life

💕GLORIA💕 #petoftheweek @NashvilleScene

the diary that you had in high school where you jotted down music lyrics to describe your emotional state has been panned by critics

hydroflask this, stanley cup that. i need an upside down water bottle i can screw to the side of my bed and drink from at 3 am like a gerbil

i’ve never had a good summer. what am i missing ??