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your password must contain a character... with a tragic backstory
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jizzlane maxxxwell
8.6K posts
jizzlane maxxxwell
@dankcharnley
Writer • Classically Trained Comedian • Divorced Magician • Cowardly Fraud • Poet Warlord • Sinner • Creature • Avid Reader of Smut • Rib Sauce Judge
✈️ Beigetreten Mayıs 2015
8.6K Folgt9.8K Follower
jizzlane maxxxwell retweetet
I broke up with her because she was too clingy. And needy. And annoying. And boring. And ugly. And stupid. And... just kidding, she dumped me.
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just told my boss i need a leave of absence because the McRib is back
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we were so poor, when we watched cooking shows, we called it "window shopping" for food
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opened the fridge and a slab of cheese whispered, “Even I have better plans than you.”
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A wedding ring is a symbol of eternal love and commitment.
Unless you’re a celebrity, then it’s a symbol of a temporary publicity stunt.
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we were so poor, i thought "stock options" meant chicken or beef flavor
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@dankcharnley Our house was so small, we had to eat a large pizza outside.
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@dankcharnley I miss the "grind" of churning my own diced onions for their hot dog
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one day, you will realize that the "grind" was actually just you walking in a circle in a Costco parking lot
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bury me and my wife Tammy Jr in a two-person horse costume
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i call the area between the car seat and the center console "The Devil's Gap"
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watched fireworks from the comfort of my cardboard box
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