Cipher

116 posts

Cipher

Cipher

@gremlinhat

Finding out if I like it here

Beigetreten Nisan 2014
65 Folgt2 Follower
Cipher
Cipher@gremlinhat·
@shewontsettle What discourse is making you feel like you're "supposed" to do that? Ime it seems fine for people to talk about what they enjoy, and for me to be like "hm well I probably wouldn't enjoy that, that's fine, hope they're having fun"
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🔻@shewontsettle·
Here's an idea. Keep these desires to yourself. Don't celebrate it, groom younger women into it or create a culture which normalises dark traid behaviours in the bedroom and makes us feel like we're supposed to be scared and in pain. x.com/themarinadove/…
marina 🌸@themarinadove

i can derive pleasure out of physical pain the same way i enjoy piercings and tattoos. i can find total peace in giving any gender partner the complete control to push my physical limits not because i am abused and deluded but because i love physical contact sports lmfao

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Cipher@gremlinhat·
@andrewapologism @theashleyray There is quite honestly more pressure in the kink scene for men to identify as dominant than women to identify as submissive. Dominant women are in demand, and submissive women are normal. Dominant men are also moderately in demand, while submissive men struggle
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kay 🐱
kay 🐱@andrewapologism·
@theashleyray that doesn’t change the fact that significantly more men identify as doms than subs and *way* more women identity as subs than doms. bdsm is clearly gendered a lot of the time we don’t have to mince words about it
kay 🐱 tweet media
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Cipher@gremlinhat·
I suppose bc people have stronger feelings (esp disgust responses) around kink. And sexual pressure for vanilla things being more normalized/unshocking. Plus maybe people feeling insecure about not being kinky and unhappy that they feel pressured to be more so?
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Cipher@gremlinhat·
I don't think I understand why "women's consent might be coerced" discourse is so much around kink specifically. It seems like just as much (if not more) of an issue with regular vanilla sex also.
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Cipher@gremlinhat·
@IC11O1 @stillhardonaho Imo there is no safe way to have sex, or do many things we commonly do. But risks can be mitigated to acceptable levels
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Cipher@gremlinhat·
@JxnW @discordspies What kinds of issues do you encounter? Do you think masochism is always harmful to indulge? I'm masochistic, and think it comes partly from a place of insecurity, but also imo indulging it has been net good for me. Freedom to explore and express negative feelings, and all that
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Cipher@gremlinhat·
@Esoparcosm @Rollercates @hecubian_devil It's true that people are often deluded about whats best for them, but I don't think that means we can dismiss their self knowledge/agency entirely. "Who cares what women believe" does not feel like a very feminist statement
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Pre.tparacosm🔱⋆˚࿔
Pre.tparacosm🔱⋆˚࿔@Esoparcosm·
@gremlinhat @Rollercates @hecubian_devil Who care what women *believe* when you look at a lot of these things? A lot of abuse victims will actually not see the ways in which they’re abused. A conditioned and socialized woman will also not see the ways in which they are abused a lot of the time. It’s why this line of—
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Cassie Pritchard
Cassie Pritchard@hecubian_devil·
Well, no. Radfems will be like “hey this thing you see as benign is actually monstrous abuse” and lots of women of all orientations will say “I don’t think it is abusive or monstrous, actually.” But I don’t expect radfems to render any debate in honest framing
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Cipher@gremlinhat·
@Esoparcosm @Rollercates @hecubian_devil I think part of the issue is differing definitions of abusive/harmful. Radfems see as harmful things that many women don't believe they're being harmed by. Radfems say women are deluding themselves, and women feel offended that their agency/experience is being dismissed
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Pre.tparacosm🔱⋆˚࿔
Pre.tparacosm🔱⋆˚࿔@Esoparcosm·
@Rollercates @hecubian_devil Yes, I do. Her claim is that radfems talk about the abusive & harmful aspects of either heterosexual relationships or just the way men generally treat women and a lot of straight women find it in themselves to scream about how they’re content with such a reality. Argue that.
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Cipher@gremlinhat·
@Esoparcosm @ndsnas No, I'm not saying she's making this argument. I'm saying others are, and acting like people reacting to that are strawmanning is not good faith
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san 🇵🇸 𓂆
san 🇵🇸 𓂆@ndsnas·
Every conversation about sex on here is always “so you’re saying women don’t have agency” and it’s like, no, you just made that up in your head! You’re stupid at best and a liar at worst if that’s your read when people talk about desire being shaped by patriarchy.
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Cipher@gremlinhat·
@SouthsideTilly So the idea that I'm getting here is that you do think violence is ok in some contexts. In which case, what do you think makes violence in kink different? I want to understand what exactly you find harmful about kink.
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SouthsideTilly
SouthsideTilly@SouthsideTilly·
@gremlinhat You are a good manipulator, that's for sure. Also, just FYI, combat sports are sex segregated and have weight classes. That is not present in your "let's beat women up" community.
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SouthsideTilly
SouthsideTilly@SouthsideTilly·
If you wonder why I'm so aggressive about this issue, it's because if we don't take an aggressive stance against violence during sex, they will continue to push it into more and more extremes. Guaranteed.
Moxie 🦴@VoxBix

@TR0GL0DYKE It all started with a few people saying they liked to be choked during sex and since then choking has become "vanilla" as well. Its always going to be moving the goalpost, because women's boundaries are constantly being pushed

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Cipher@gremlinhat·
@SouthsideTilly I'm not manipulative you, you just feel like it because you can't defend your feelings here. Ok so you think if a man and a woman box with each other, or wrestle, thats as bad as kink? Or if two men and two women do kink together, that's fine?
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Cipher@gremlinhat·
@SouthsideTilly This is also why people don't take arguments like yours seriously. They're inconsistent, and treat kink as a fundamentally different thing than other consensual violence without good reason. Makes it pretty clear that your issue with it isn't what you say it is
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SouthsideTilly
SouthsideTilly@SouthsideTilly·
@gremlinhat You never believed my reasoning in the first place. You just want to deflect onto another topic.
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Cipher@gremlinhat·
@SouthsideTilly It's not tangential. If the issue with kink is promoting violence, violence in other socially sanctioned contexts is just as relevant. If its not actually as much of an issue, that tells me your issue with kink isn't the violence, it's something else. What is it?
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SouthsideTilly
SouthsideTilly@SouthsideTilly·
@gremlinhat Now the "but why don't you care about this tangential thing" tactic.
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Cipher@gremlinhat·
@SouthsideTilly Ok but do you think that they're on the same level as kink, morally? They're a lot more popularized, and tbh people enjoy the pain they cause a lot less. So I'd think you'd be more angry about them, but it doesn't sound like you are
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SouthsideTilly
SouthsideTilly@SouthsideTilly·
@gremlinhat Since you've asked 2000 times, I refuse to watch football or boxing or mma.
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Cipher@gremlinhat·
@SouthsideTilly How come you don't want to address the combat sports thing? One reason I don't see it is that you're not willing to explain the harm you think is caused, or distinguish how this violence is different from socially acceptable kinds. Makes me doubt the soundness of your reasoning
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SouthsideTilly
SouthsideTilly@SouthsideTilly·
@gremlinhat I know you don't see it. That's why you are so far gone & nothing i say will change that. It will take you experiencing something horrific. This is why you don't get empathy or understanding.
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Cipher@gremlinhat·
@SouthsideTilly People seem to be ok with boxing, and football. Do you think those are different?
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SouthsideTilly
SouthsideTilly@SouthsideTilly·
@gremlinhat When you hold pro violence, extreme positions, you will get extreme pushback. So stop crying about it.
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Cipher@gremlinhat·
@SouthsideTilly This is a slippery slope argument. Like comparing arguments for abortion to normalizing killing babies in all contexts
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SouthsideTilly
SouthsideTilly@SouthsideTilly·
This is how the normalization of violence against women in all contexts happens.
Cipher@gremlinhat

@SouthsideTilly Like I think it's incredibly important to distinguish between "violence" as a harmful act and "violence" as something people can choose to engage in. Violence is usually bad bc it infringes on bodily sovereignty. When it doesn't, it's not a bad thing, imo

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Cipher@gremlinhat·
@SouthsideTilly I feel the same way about you denying people the right to choose what to do with their own bodies. If you're willing to explain what you think is so bad about consensual violence, I'm happy to listen. I care about actual harm being done, and I just don't see it.
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@shewontsettle @andrewapologism @theashleyray @IC11O1 @stillhardonaho @JxnW @discordspies @Esoparcosm